If you wanna kill yourself, please imagine this :
You come home from school one day. You’ve had yet another horrible, disastrous day. You’re ready to give everything up, so you go to your room, close and lock the door, then take out that suicide note you’ve written and rewritten over and over again that you lost count on it. You take out that razor blade and cut for the very last time. You grab that bottle of pills and take them all. Laying down, holding the letter to your chest, you fade away slowly into the irreversible darkness.
A few hours later, your little, innocent brother knocks on your door to come tell you that dinners are ready. You don’t answer, so he walks in. All he sees is you laying on your bed covered in red. He screams. He cries. He remembers a scene from a movie where someone covered in the same wet red and don’t wake up. But it isn’t a movie. It’s real. It’s you.
Your mom and dad hears your brother’s scream. They runs to your room, panic and clueless. And there you are, dead. But they don’t know it quite yet, so they tries to wake you up. They calling your name again and again and again until the realization finally hit them hard. You won’t wake up. You’re already lifeless.
Your dad screams and throws something at the wall and falling on his knees. Your mom crawls over to him with your suicide note in her hands. They sit there holding each other’s arms, crying out loud in front of their kid’s dead body. You.
The next day at school, there’s an announcement about your suicide. It takes a moment for it to sink, but once it does, everyone goes completely silent. It’s so sudden and unbelievable and everyone starts to blame each other for everything they’ve said to you like waves comes perpetually on the shore.
That boy who used to tease and call you names? He can’t help but hate himself for never telling you about how good you really, honestly are. And the truth behind this boy is, he’s also dealing with problems. He’s raised by a verbally abusive parents and being a bully is the only thing he could do to hide the truth about how fragile he actually is. It ain’t right, but are you?
Your ex-girlfriend who broke up with you? She can’t handle it. She breaks down and starts blaming herself for not treating you better than she used to do. And the truth behind this girl is, she’s truly still love you. Yet her parents put a high expectation on her to sign into a high end university and she don’t wanna disappoint them. She need to be focused and she thinks it’d be better if she’s not involved in any relationship at the moment. It (might) ain’t right, but are you?
Your best friend, the one who you told everything to? He’s in shock. He knew what you were going through, but he never thought it would be that bad… bad enough for you to end it. And the truth behind this boy is, you never listen to him back. You always think you have the worst problem, but if only you give him a chance to talk, you’ll know that he’s dealing with a worse problem. He’s actually gay, and his religious, conservative parents have kicked him out of their house for that.
It’s a few days later at your funeral. The whole town came. Everyone knew you: that boy with bright smile and bubbly personality who used to hanging around their neighbourhood. You used to be a part of their daily life, but now that you are gone, they feel lost.
Everyone is crying. Friends, family, acquaintances, even strangers. Your little brother can’t stop sobbing, watching you there trapped in the casket. It hurts him alot. You were his big brother, you were supposed to always be there for him, yet you’re gone. Your best friend? He stays strong through the entire service, even when they start lowering your casket into the ground. But as soon as the funeral ends, when everyone has already leaving, he just loses it. He cries and cries and doesn’t stop for days. You’re not only his bestfriend, you’re actually his only friend, and yet you’re gone.
It’s two years later. Some of your teacher quit their job because they feel responsible of your death. That boy who used to tease you got traumatized, he even drown into self-harm behavior that he cut himself again and again until his wrists got covered by scars. Your ex-girlfriend didn’t make it to the university, doesn’t know how to love any longer, so now she just sleep around with boys and frequently get sexually abused. Your bestfriend? He killed himself. He had nowhere to go, lose direction, and the only escape that seemed logic for him was to go after your way.
Your parents? Their marriage fell apart. Your dad became a workaholic to distract himself from his permanent grief that follows after your death. Your mom got diagnosed with depression and just lay and cry in bed all the time. Your brother? He’s lonely. He’s crying silently every night. He’s abandoned and has no one to talk to about what happened in his school–where he got bullied over his suicidal brother. You.
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The silver lining is, your choices doesn’t affect your ownself only. They affect everyone. When you decide to suicide, it’ll lead to another terrible causes, it even may lead to another unnecessary death, then the circle will never be ended. People care. You may not think so, but they do. Don’t end your life, my friend. You have so much things to live for. Nothing will get better if you give everything up. Be strong. Talk to someone. Seek help. Let’s figure things out. I’m here standing for absolutely anyone who has suicidal tendencies. You are not alone. You are deserve all the happiness in life. You all are deserve to live.
P.S. If you are located anywhere in Indonesia, you can call the national suicide prevention lifeline 119 from your mobile phone for an emergency assistance. You can also email NGO's janganbunuhdiri@yahoo.com, visit pijarpsikologi.com, or add line @bagikata for counseling help.
Original source : http://lukesbeaut.tumblr.com/post/119096453353/wanna-kill-yourself
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