SCROLL UP 2021

Taon 2021 adalah taon yang terberat yang pernah kujalani tapi taon yang paling mengubahkan diriku luar dalam. Bergumul dengan kerjaan yang ga ada kejelasan, resign dalam kondisi hampir ga waras, berjuang memulihkan mentalku, join ke sebuah team dimana bidang kerjaannya kusukai namun team leadernya malah bikin semua traumaku mencuat, dikelilingi orang2 toxic yang cuma curcol berkepanjangan tanpa ada perubahan, riwa riwi ke dokter en rumah sakit untuk menemukan akar penyebab sakit di kakinya mama, sampai aku ga ngerti kenapa aku belom dapet kerjaan kantor lagi selama 4 bulan ngelamar sana sini.

Hingga mencapai titik dimana diriku kehilangan arah, semangat hidup, bahkan ga berminat ngelakuin apapun sama sekali. Bahkan tiap pagi bangun, aku ngerasa buat apa aku masih hidup. Parah banget kan. Dan di saat kayak gitu, masih ada orang yang chat aku en bilang "Cece masih belom nyari kerja kantoran kah? Kuliat udah beberapa bulan cece nganggur", "Kak, kayaknya hidupmu kok enak yaa, ngerti semua hal, deket ama Tuhan" 😑😑😑

Padahal aku mencapai satu titik dimana udah ga tau mau doa apa, mau baca Alkitab kayak apa, denger kotbah kok hati ini dingin2 aja. Aku tau Tuhan ada di sampingku, tapi aku ga tau apa yang Dia mau. Dan di saat itu Tuhan berbicara lewat semua hal yang ada dalam hidup: IG story seorang teman nun jauh disana, sebuah buku, status WA seseorang yang ga kukenal deket, seorang acquintance yang tiba2 muncul lalu kami saling sharing tentang banyak hal, sebuah film yang mencabik2 semua idealismeku, temen2 komsel yang selalu berhasil mengobrak-abrik semua teologiku, bahkan chat seorang temen lama yang menyatakan dia bersedia dikontak kapanpun kalo aku butuh bantuan.

Kalo menoleh ke perjalanan selama setaon ini, banyak kejadian ga terduga, harapan yang hancur berantakan, mental health yang kacau balau, en aku ga tau bisa cerita ke siapa untuk dapet support atopun doa. Bahkan lebih gilanya lagi, aku masih melayani orang2 yang konseling, dan anehnya ketika membantu penyembuhan mereka aku pun dapet secuil tujuan hidup.

Ketika baca buku tentang mental health, ikigai, en nonton film psikologi; aku menyadari bahwa aku hidup dengan cara yang sangat keras dan ambisius. Ketika taon ini semuanya berantakan, aku jadi stress. Ketika semua yang kuusahakan ga ada yang berbuah, aku kehilangan harapan en semangat. Ketika semua janji Tuhan muncul kembali dalam hati, aku meragukannya karena faktanya jauh sekali. Dan ketika aku ngerasa ga ada seorangpun yang ngerti, peduli, atopun bener2 mau mendengar; selalu ada orang yang datang dengan berbagai keluhan hidup tanpa pernah nanya kabarku sama sekali.

Ditambah lagi kondisi mama yang makin susah jalan karena kakinya sakit, aku riwa riwi nemeni ke dokter, rasanya speechless banget. Nyesel sedalam2nya kenapa sebelum pandemi ga bener2 maksa mama check ke dokter. Di akhir taon, aku ketemuan sama 2 temen yang ortunya juga sakit parah. Disitulah aku ngerasa bahwa emang udah saatnya aku berada di titik itu, nemeni ortu buat berobat, mengasihi en merawat mereka. Ada sisi dimana aku ngerasa belom bisa bahagiain ortuku, masih belom bisa bikin mereka bangga, belom mencapai apapun yang bisa bikin hidup mereka lebih nyaman. Di sisi laen, aku punya ketakutan serta ketidaksiapan kalo harus kehilangan mereka karena kematian. Ini adalah suatu titik yang ga pernah kubayangkan akan kualami dalam hidup. Dan ini berat bagiku...

Tapi aku belajar untuk menerima semuanya, melepaskan semua hal yang berada di luar kendaliku. Bahkan aku memutuskan untuk ngubah cara hidupku yang awalnya sangat ambisius en serius jadi lebih santai dan menikmati hidup. Bukan berarti ga do my best, tapi aku ga pengen segala sesuatu terlewat begitu aja tanpa aku memahami makna sebenarnya. Dan keputusan itu menjadi sebuah titik balik bagiku...

Dan ketika hari2 di taon 2021 hampir berakhir, Tuhan bangkitkan rasa lapar dan hausku akan firman-Nya. Bahkan Dia memberikan sebuah penyegaran dan kekuatan baru untuk menjalani hidup melalui ayat ini: "Karena bagiku hidup adalah Kristus dan mati adalah keuntungan. Tetapi jika aku harus hidup di dunia ini, itu berarti bagiku bekerja memberi buah. Jadi mana yang harus kupilih, aku tidak tahu" (Filipi 1:21-22).

Kalo mati, berarti semuanya sudah berakhir dan aku ga yakin apakah aku siap mempertanggungjawabkan segalanya di hadapan-Nya. Aku ngerasa banyak hal yang belom kukerjakan dalam hidup, masih banyak hal yang belom kuselesaikan, masih terlalu banyak hal yang belom kujalani dan kunikmati, dan terlebih lagi belom banyak hal yang bisa kuberikan bagi-Nya dan sesama melalui hidupku. Kalo aku masih hidup, akupun ga tau harus ngapain, kerja apa, harus gimana ngadepi segala ketidakpastian dalam hidup ini, dan terutama gimana jadi support system buat mama yang kondisi kakinya semakin memburuk.

Tapi 1 hal yang aku tahu, bahwa kalo Tuhan masih kasi kehidupan bagiku, berarti masih ada hal yang Dia percayakan bagiku untuk kukerjakan. Aku ga mau terlalu peduli ama prosesnya, hasilnya, atopun gimana ngadepinya. Jalani aja lah ya, lakuin apapun yang terbaik yang aku bisa.

Jujur aja, nulis kayak gini di akhir taon tuh bukan hal yang mudah bagiku, bukan hal yang patut dibanggakan juga. Tapi aku bersyukurrrr banget taon 2021 ini berlalu dengan semua rangkaian kejadian yang menghempas aku hingga di titik terjauh dari zona nyamanku. Dan dari situlah aku mendapati bahwa Tuhan ga pernah jauh dariku. Itu yang terpenting.

Thank you 2021 buat semua hajarannya. Thank you buat semua orang yang hadir dalam hidupku dan menorehkan banyak hal, entah baik atopun buruk. Thank you Tuhan karena Engkau selalu ada di balik layar mengamati segalanya dan memastikan bahwa aku ga berada di luar jangkauan-Mu.

LOVE YOURSELF HEAL YOUR LIFE PART 2 (LOUISE HAY)

CHAPTER 9: FORGIVENESS

“I am forgiven and I am free”.

1. Forgiveness is a difficult area for most of us. We all need to do forgiveness work. Anyone who has a problem with loving themselves is stuck in this area. Forgiveness opens our hearts to self-love. Many of us carry grudges for years and years. We feel self-righteous because of what they did to us. I call this being stuck in the prison of self-righteous resentment. We get to be right. We never get to be happy.

2. One of our biggest spiritual lessons is to understand that “everyone” is doing the best they can at any given moment. People can only do so much with the understanding, awareness, and knowledge that they have. Invariably, anyone who mistreats someone was mistreated as a child. The greater the violence, the greater their own inner pain. This is not to condone poor behavior. However, for our own spiritual growth, we must be aware of their pain.

3. The incident is over. Perhaps long over. Let it go. Allow yourself to be free. Come out of prison and step into the sunshine of life. If the incident is still going on, then ask yourself why you think so little of yourself that you still put up with it. Why do you stay in such a situation? The purpose of this book is to help you raise your self-esteem to such a level that you only allow loving experiences in your life. Don’t waste time trying to “get even“. It doesn’t work. What we give out always comes back to us. So let’s drop the past and work on loving ourselves in the now. Then we shall have a wonderful future.

That person who is the hardest to forgive is the one who can teach you the greatest lessons. When you love yourself enough to rise above the old situation, then understanding and forgiveness will be easy. And you will be free.

4. An interesting phenomenon is that when we do our own forgiveness work, other people often respond to it. It is not necessary to go to the person involved and tell them that you forgive them. Sometimes you want to do this. You do not have to. The major work of forgiveness is done in your own heart. Forgiveness is seldom for “them”. It is for us. The person you need to forgive may even be dead. I have heard from many people that when they have truly forgiven, a month or two later, they may receive a phone call or a letter from the other person, asking to be forgiven. This seems to be particularly true for forgiveness done in front of a mirror. As you do this exercise, notice how deep your feelings might be.

Most of all, forgive yourself. Stop being hard on yourself. Self-punishment isn’t necessary. You were doing the very best you could.

5. Sit in front of the mirror once again with your list. Say to each person on your list, “I forgive you for ————————”. Breathe. “I forgive you and I set you free”. Continue to go down your list, if you feel free from anger with a person, cross them off. If you are not free of anger, put them aside and come back to the work later. As you continue to do this exercise, you will find burdens melting off your shoulders. You may be surprised to notice how much old baggage you have been carrying. Be gentle with yourself as you go through the cleansing process.

“I give myself permission to let go”.

CHAPTER 10: WORK

“It is a joy to express my creativity and be appreciated”.

1. Our jobs and the work that we do are a reflection of our own self-worth and our value to the world. On one level, work is an exchange of time and services for money. As long as we are doing an honest day’s work, our self-esteem can be in order. However, the kind of work we do is important to us because we are unique individuals. We want to feel that we are making a contribution to the world. We need to use our own talents, intelligence, and creative ability.

2. Remember that whatever position you may find yourself in... your thinking got you there. The people around you are only mirroring what you believe you deserve. Thoughts can be changed. Situations can be changed as well. That boss that we find intolerable could become our champion. That dead-end position with no hope of advancement may open up to a new career full of possibilities. The co-worker who is so annoying might turn out to be, if not a friend, at least someone who is easier to get along with. The salary that we find insufficient can increase in the twinkle of an eye. We could find a wonderful new job.

3. There are an infinite number of channels if we can change our thinking. Let’s open ourselves up to them. We must accept in consciousness that abundance and fulfillment can come from anywhere. The change may be small at first such as an added assignment from your boss in which you could demonstrate your intelligence and creativity. You may treat a co-worker as if they were not the enemy and as a result, experience a notable change in behavior. Whatever the change may be, accept and rejoice in it. You are not alone. You are the change. The power that created you has given you the power to create your own experiences!

“I give myself permission to be creatively fulfilled”.

CHAPTER 11: MONEY AND PROSPERITY

“Infinite prosperity is mine to share; I am blessed”. 

Having more money is not enough. We need to learn how to deserve and enjoy the money that we have.

1. Large amounts of money do not guarantee prosperity. People who have a lot of money can be engulfed in poverty consciousness. They can be more fearful about not having money than someone who lives on the streets. The ability to enjoy their money and to live in a world of abundance may elude them. Socrates, the great philosopher, once said that “contentment is natural wealth, luxury is artificial poverty”. As I have said many times, your prosperity consciousness is not dependent upon money; your flow of money is dependent upon your prosperity consciousness.

Our pursuit of money must contribute to the quality of our lives. If it does not, that is, if we hate what we do in order to get money, then money will be useless. Prosperity involves the quality of our lives as well as any amount of money that we possess.

2. Prosperity is not defined by money alone; it encompasses time, love, success, joy, comfort, beauty, and wisdom. For example, you can be poor with respect to time. If you feel rushed, pressured, and harried, then your time is steeped in poverty. But, if you feel you have all of the time you need to finish any task at hand, and you are confident that you can finish any job, then you are prosperous when it comes to time. Or what about success? Do you feel that it’s beyond your reach and completely unattainable? Or do you feel that you can be a success in your own right? If you do, then you are rich with respect to success.

3. Know that whatever your beliefs are, they can be changed in this moment. The power that created you has given you the power to create your own experiences. You can change!

“I give myself permission to prosper”.

CHAPTER 12: FRIENDS

“I am a friend to myself”

1. Friendships can be our most enduring and important relationships. We can live without lovers or spouses. We can live without our primary families, but most of us cannot live happily without friends. I believe that we choose our parents before we are born into this planet, but we choose our friends on a more conscious level. Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote an essay on friendship, calling it the “nectar of the gods. He explained that in romantic relationships, one person is always trying to change the other, but friends can stand back and look at one another with appreciation and respect.

2. Friends can be an extension or a substitute for the nuclear family. There is a great need in most of us to share life experiences with others. Not only do we learn more about others when we engage in friendship, but we can also learn more about ourselves. These relationships are mirrors of our self-worth and esteem. They afford us the perfect opportunity to look at ourselves, and the areas where we might need to grow.

3. When the bond between friends becomes strained, we can look to the negative messages of childhood. It may be time for mental housecleaning. Cleaning the mental house after a lifetime of negative messages is a bit like going on a good nutritional program after a lifetime of eating junk foods. As you change your diet, the body will throw off a toxic residue, and you may feel worse for a day or two. So it is when you make a decision to change mental thought patterns. Your circumstances may worsen for a while. But remember! You may have to dig through a lot of dry weed to get to the rich soil below. But you can do it!

“I give myself permission to be a friend”.

CHAPTER 13: SEXUALITY

“I am at peace with my own sexuality”.

1. Sex is a difficult area for a lot of people. Many complain that they are getting too much or too little. Sex threatens them, motivates them, maddens them, and offers escape. It can be tender, loving, joyful, painful, explosive, wondrous, fulfilling, or humiliating. People often equate sex with love, or they need to be in love to have sex. Many of us grew up believing that sex was sinful unless we were married, or that sex was for procreation and not for pleasure. Some people have rebelled against this concept and feel that sex has nothing to do with love.

Most of our beliefs about sex can be traced to our childhood and our ideas about God and religion. 

2. When we were babies, we knew how perfect our bodies were, and we loved our sexuality. Babies are never ashamed of themselves. No baby ever measures its hips to find its self-worth. We must let go of images and beliefs that do not nourish and support us.

3.  I believe that sex is meant to be a joyful, loving act, and as long as our hearts are open, and we really care about ourselves, we will not harm ourselves or others. However, sex can be another form of abuse and express low self-worth. If we constantly need a new partner to make us feel worthy, or allow infidelity to be a way of life, we need to examine our thinking.

“I give myself permission to enjoy my body”.

CHAPTER 14: LOVE AND INTIMACY

“Love surrounds me. I am loving, loveable, and loved”.

1. How did you experience love as a child? In your family was love expressed through fighting, yelling, crying, door-slamming, manipulation, control, silence, or revenge? If it was, then you will seek out similar experiences as an adult. You will find the people who will reinforce those ideas. If, as a child, you looked for love and found pain, then as an adult you will find pain instead of love until you release your old family pattern.

2. Perhaps all of your relationships ended as a result of your partner leaving you. The need in you to be left could come from a family divorce, a parent withdrawing from you because you weren’t what they wanted you to be, or a death in the family. To change the pattern, you need to forgive your parent AND understand that you don’t have to repeat this old behavior. You free them and yourself.

3. For every habit or pattern we repeat over and over again, there is a NEED WITHIN US for such repetition. The need corresponds to some belief that we have. If there was no need, we would not have to have it, do it, or be it. Self-criticism does not break the pattern: letting go of the need does.

4. Your old thoughts and beliefs continue to form your experiences until you let them go. Your future thoughts have not been formed, and you do not know what they will be. Your current thought, the one you are thinking right now, is totally under your control. We are the only ones who choose our thoughts. We may habitually think the same thought over and over so that it does not seem as if we are choosing the thought. But, we did make the original choice. We can refuse to think certain thoughts. How often have you refused to think a positive thought about yourself? You can also refuse to think a negative thought about yourself. It just takes practice.

“I give myself permission to experience intimate love”.

PART 3: YOUR NEW LIFE

CHAPTER 15: YOUR NEW PICTURE

“I see myself in a new light”.

1. “I recognize that I am the source of my happiness”. We have explored SO many areas of our lives. We have uncovered negative patterns and beliefs. We have relinquished old baggage. We feel freer and lighter. We are open and receptive to good. So the next question is: What would make you happy? This is not time to talk about what you don’t want. This is a time to be very clear about what you do want in your life.

2. It is exciting to have wonderful people, places, and things in our lives. However, we must be clear that these things do not “make us happy”. Only we can “make us happy”. Only we can think the thoughts that can create peace and joy. Never give power to an outside person or source. Make yourself happy, and all good will flow to you in great abundance.

3. Look into the mirror. Breathe. Smile. Say, “I deserve to have a wonderful life”. Breathe again. “I deserve everything on my list”. Breathe. “I deserve and accept all good in my life”. Breathe. “I am a loving, worthwhile person, and I love myself”. Breathe. “All is well in my world”.

RELAXATION AND MEDITATION

1. Relaxation is essential to the healing process. It is hard to allow the healing energies to flow within us if we are tense and frightened. Dr. Bernie Siegel said, “The physical benefits of meditation have been well documented. It tends to lower or normalize blood pressure, pulse rate, and the level of stress hormones in the blood. Its benefits are also multiplied when combined with regular exercise. In short, it reduces wear and tear on both body and mind, helping people live better and longer”.

2. It only takes a moment or two, several times a day, to allow the body to let go and relax. At any moment, you can close your eyes and take two or three deep breaths and release whatever tension you may be carrying. If you have more time, sit or lie quietly, and talk your body into complete relaxation. Say silently to yourself, “My toes are relaxing, my feet are relaxing, my ankles are letting go,” etc., working all the way up and down your body, or you may begin with you head and work down. At the end of this simple exercise, you will be peaceful and calm for a while. Repeating this often can create a peaceful state within you, most of the time. This is a very positive, physical meditation that you can do anywhere.

3. Meditation is one of the oldest and simplest processes we can do. All we have to do is to sit or lie quietly, close our eyes, and take a few deep breaths. The body will automatically relax; we don’t have to do anything to force it. We can repeat the words “healing” or “peace” or “love” or anything that is meaningful to us. We could even say, “I love myself”. We can ask silently, “What is it I need to know?” Or “I am willing to learn”. Then just be there quietly.

4. What is important is to meditate on a regular basis. The practice of meditation is cumulative: the more regularly you do it, the more your body and mind responds to the benefits of relaxation, and the quicker you may get your answers. If you are new to meditation, I would suggest that you begin with only five minutes at a time. Five minutes once or twice a day is a good beginning. If you can do it at the same time every day, the body begins to look forward to it. Meditation gives you small periods of rest that are beneficial to the healing of your emotions and body.

5. You see, we all have tremendous wisdom within us. Inside of us lie all the answers to all the questions we shall ever ask. You have no idea how wise you are. You can take care of yourself. You do have the answers you need. Get connected. You will feel safer and more powerful.

CLOSING TREATMENT

The past is over and done. It has gone back to the nothingness from whence it came. I am free. I have a new sense of pride and self-worth. I am confident in my abilities to love and support myself. I have learned that I am capable of positive growth and change. I am strong. I am united with all of life. I am one with the Universal power and intelligence. Divine wisdom leads me and guides me every step of the way. I am safe and secure as I move forward to my highest good. I do this with ease and with joy. I am a new person, living in a world of my choosing. I am deeply grateful jar all that I have and jar all that I am. I am blessed and prosperous in every way. All is well in my world.

LOVE YOURSELF, HEAL YOUR LIFE

LOUISE HAY

LOVE YOURSELF HEAL YOUR LIFE PART 1 (LOUISE HAY)

PART 1: INTRODUCTION

CHAPTER 1: BASIC TECHNIQUES

“I am willing to change”.

1. This is a book about change. I know, you want everybody and everything else to change. Your mother, father, boss, friend, sister, lover, landlord, neighbor, minister, or government official must change so that your life can be perfect. It doesn’t work that way. If you want change in your life, then you are the one who must do the changing. When you change, then all the other people in your world will change in relation to you. Are you willing to change?

2. Life is very simple. What we give out, we get back. I believe that all of us are responsible for every experience in our lives, the best and the worst. Every thought we think is creating our future. Each one of us creates our experiences by the thoughts we think and the words we speak.

3. Our subconscious mind accepts whatever we choose to believe. The Universal Power never judges or criticizes us. It only accepts us at our own value. If you accept a limiting belief, then it will become the truth for you. Remember that we are dealing with thoughts, and thoughts can be changed. We have unlimited choices about what we can think, and the point of power is always in the present moment. What are you thinking in the present moment? Is it positive or negative? Do you want this thought to be creating your future?

4. When we grow up, we have a tendency to recreate the emotional environment of our early home life. We also tend to recreate in our personal relationships, those we had with our mother and father. If we were highly criticized as children, then we will seek out those in our adult life who will duplicate this behavior. If we were praised, loved, and encouraged as children, then we will recreate this behavior.

Thoughts can be changed. Change the thought, and the feeling must go. 

The past has no power over us. It does not matter how long we have been in a negative pattern. We can be free in this moment.

5. The road to freedom is through the doorway to forgiveness. We may not know how to forgive, and we may not want to forgive; but if we are willing to forgive, we may begin the healing process. It is imperative for our own healing that we release the past and forgive everyone.

6. I find that when we really love, accept, and approve of ourselves exactly as we are, everything in life flows. Self-approval and self-acceptance here and now are the keys to positive changes in every area of our lives. Loving the self, to me, means to never, ever criticize ourselves for anything. Criticism locks us into the very pattern we are trying to change. Try approving of yourself and see what happens. You’ve been criticizing yourself for years. Has it worked?

7. Workbook terminology:
• Affirmation

Make positive statements about how you want your life to be. One important point is: Always make your statements in the PRESENT TENSE, such as “I am” or “I have.” Your subconscious mind is such an obedient servant that if you declare in the future tense, “I want,” or “I will have,” then that is where it will always stay-just out of your reach in the future.
~ Mirror work

I ask people to look in their own eyes and say something positive about themselves every time they pass a mirror. The most powerful way to do affirmations is to look in the mirror and say them out loud. You are immediately aware of the resistance and can move through it quicker.
~ Visualization
Visualization is the process of using the imagination to achieve a desired result. Put most simply, you see what you want to happen, before it actually does happen.
~ Deservability
Deserving has nothing to do with having good. It is our unwillingness to accept that gets in the way. Allow yourself to accept good, whether you think you deserve it or not.

CHAPTER 2: WHO ARE YOU? WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE

“I see myself with eyes of love and I am safe"

1. We all have many positive things we believe, and we want to continue to reinforce these. And many of our beliefs are negative and continue to contribute to uncomfortable experiences. It is impossible for us to change any limiting beliefs unless we know what they are. Look at this list of words. Write down what they mean to you. For example, do you believe that: MEN...

Men are strong.

Men are bossy.

Men are smart.

WOMEN...

LOVE...

SEX... 

WORK... 

MONEY... 

SUCCESS... 

FAILURE... 

GOD... 

2. Notice the areas that are difficult for you. Do you have conflicting beliefs? How many of your answers are negative? Put a star beside these answers. Do you really want to continue to build your life on these convictions? Be aware that someone taught you these ideas. Now that you have seen them, you can choose to let them go.

3. Many of us have an inner child who is lost and lonely and feels so rejected. Perhaps the only contact we have had with our inner child for a long times is to scold it and criticize it. Then we wonder why we are unhappy. We cannot reject a part of us and still be in harmony within. Part of healing is to gather all the parts of ourselves so we may be whole and complete.

4. Memorize this. When these concepts become part of your belief system, you will have a different perspective on life:

• We are each responsible for our experiences

• Every thought we think is creating our future

• Everyone is dealing with the damaging patterns of resentment, criticism, guilt, and self-hatred

• These are only thoughts and thoughts can be changed

• We need to release the past and forgive everyone

• Self-approval and self-acceptance in the “now” are the keys to positive changes

• The point of power is always in the present moment.

5. It is not the people, places, and things that are creating a problem for you; it is how you are “perceiving and reacting” to these life experiences. Take responsibility for your own life. Do not give your power away. Learn to understand more of your inner, spiritual-self, and operate under that power that created only good for you.

“I give myself permission to learn”.

PART II: THE PROCESS

CHAPTER 3: HEALTH

“I restore and maintain my body at optimum health”.

1. I believe that we contribute to every “illness” in our body. The body, as with everything else in life, is a mirror of our inner thoughts and beliefs. Our body is always talking to us, if we will only take the time to listen. Every cell within our bodies responds to every single thought we think. When we discover what the mental pattern is behind an illness, we have a chance to change the pattern and, therefore, the dis-ease.

2. Most people do not want to be sick on a conscious level, yet every dis-ease that we have is a teacher. Illness is the body’s way of telling us that  there is a false idea in our consciousness. Something that we are believing, saying, doing, or thinking is not for our highest good. I always picture the body tugging at us saying, “Please-pay attention!”

3. True healing involves body, mind, and spirit. I believe that if we “cure” an illness, yet do not address the emotional and spiritual issues that surround that illness, it will only manifest itself again.

Are you willing to release the need that has contributed to your health problems? Once again, when we have a condition that we want to change, the first thing that we have to do is to say so. Say: “I am willing to release the need in me that has created this condition.” Say it again. Say it looking in the mirror. Say it every time that you think about your condition. It is the first step in creating a change.

“I give myself permission to be well”.

CHAPTER 4: FEELING GOOD

“It is my divine right to be comfortable”.

1. Emotional problems are among the most painful of all. Occasionally we may feel angry, sad, lonely, guilty, anxious, or frightened. When these feelings take over and become predominant, our life can become an emotional battleground. What we do with our feelings is important. Are we going to act them out? Will we punish others or force our will upon them? Will we abuse ourselves in some way? The belief that we are not good enough is often at the root of these problems. Good mental health begins with loving the self. When we love and approve of ourselves completely, the good and the so-called bad, we can begin to change.

Part of self-acceptance is releasing other people’s opinions. 

2. Remember, feelings of inadequacy start with negative thoughts that we have about ourselves. However, these thoughts have no power over us unless we act upon them. Thoughts are only words strung together. They have no meaning whatsoever. Only WE give meaning to them. We give meaning to them by focusing on the negative messages over and over again in our minds. We believe the worst about ourselves. And we choose what kind of meaning we give to them. 

Whatever pain we might be in, let’s choose thoughts that nourish and support us. 

3. If you have any negative feelings in your body, then affirm: “I release the pattern in my consciousness that is creating resistance to my good. I deserve to feel good”. Repeat this until you feel acceptance. Do this several days in a row.

“I give myself permission to relax“.

CHAPTER 5: FEARS AND PHOBIAS

“Fears are merely thoughts and thoughts can be released”.

1. In any given situation, I believe that we have a choice between love and fear. We experience fear of change, fear of not changing, fear of the future, and fear of taking a chance. We fear intimacy, and we fear being alone. We fear letting people know what we need and who we are, and we fear letting go of the past. At the other end of the spectrum we have love. Love is the miracle we are all looking for. Loving ourselves works miracles in our lives. I am not talking about vanity or arrogance, for that is not love. That is fear. I am talking about having a great respect for ourselves and a gratitude for the miracle of our body and our mind.

2. Susan Jeffers, in her marvelous book, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, states that “if everybody feels fear when approaching something totally new in life, yet so many are out there ‘doing it’ despite the fear, then we must conclude that fear is not the problem”. She goes on to say that the real issue is not the fear, but how we hold the fear. We can approach it from a position of power or helplessness. The fact that we have the fear becomes irrelevant.

3. We see what we think the problem is, and then we find out what the real problem is. Not feeling “good enough” and a lack of self-love is the real problem. We are always perfect, always beautiful, and ever-changing. We are doing the best we can with the understanding, knowledge, and awareness that we have. As we grow and change more and more, our “best” will only get better and better.

“I give myself permission to be at peace”.

CHAPTER 6: ANGER

“I accept all my emotions with love”.

1. Anger is a natural and normal emotion. Babies get furious, express their fury and then it’s over. Many of us have learned that it’s not nice, or polite, or acceptable for us to be angry. We learn to swallow our angry feelings. They settle in our bodies, in the joints and muscles. They accumulate and become resentment. Layer upon layer of buried anger turned into resentment can contribute to dis-eases like arthritis, assorted pains, and even cancer.

2. We need to acknowledge all our feelings, including anger, and find positive ways to express these feelings. We don’t have to hit people or dump on them, yet we can say simply and clearly, “This makes me angry”. Or “I am angry at what you did”. If it is not appropriate to say this, we still have many options: we can scream into a pillow. Beat the bed. Kick pillows. Run. Yell in the car with the windows rolled up. Play tennis. These are all healthy outlets.

A quick and simple thing to do when you are overwhelmed with your feelings is to jump up and down several times saying in a loud voice, “Yes! No! Get off my back! Yes! No! Get off my back!” Try it. It works wonders for a quick release.

3. If you have a lot of buried anger, you may be a person who walks around being angry all the time. The anger is smoldering just under the surface. The smallest thing will set it off. You may not express this anger, but you will mutter under your breath and have lots of resentful, judgmental thoughts. You may be a person who criticizes everyone around you. And if you do, you certainly will criticize yourself, too. So you may ask yourself: What do I get from being angry all the time?

We are all seeking love and approval. That’s what we want from everyone, and that’s what everyone wants from us. Love and approval brings harmony into our lives. 

"I give myself permission to acknowledge my feelings”.

CHAPTER 7: CRITISM AND JUDGEMENT

1. Most of us have such a strong habit of judgment and criticism that we cannot easily break it. It is also the most important issue to work on immediately. We will never be able to really love ourselves until we go beyond the need to make life wrong. As a little baby you were so open to life. You looked at the world with eyes of wonder. Unless something was scary or someone harmed you, you accepted life just as it was. Later, as you grew up, you began to accept the opinions of others and to make them your own. You learned how to criticize.

2. Perhaps you were led to believe that you need to criticize yourself in order to grow and change. I do not agree with that concept at all! I believe that criticism shrivels our spirits. It only enforces the belief that “we are not good enough”. It certainly does not bring out the best in us.

3. In order for a child to grow and blossom, it needs love, acceptance, and praise. We can be shown “better” ways to do things without making the way we do it “wrong”. The child inside of you still needs that love and approval. If your child, or your inner child, is used to constantly being “wrong,” it may take awhile for them to accept the new, positive words. If you make a definite decision to release criticism, and are consistent, you can work miracles.

4. As you release the need to pick on yourself all the time, you will notice that you no longer criticize others so much. When you make it okay to be yourself, then you automatically allow others to be themselves. Their little habits no longer bother you so much. You release the need to “change them” as you want to be. As you stop judging others, they release the need to judge you. Everybody gets to be free.

CHAPTER 8: ADDICTIONS 

“No person, place, or thing has any power over me. I am free”.

1. Addictive behavior is another way of saying, “I’m not good enough”. When we are caught in this type of behavior, we are trying to run away from ourselves. We cannot be in touch with our feelings. Something that we are believing, saying, or doing is too painful for us to look at, so we overeat, drink, act out compulsive sexual behavior, take pills, spend money that we don’t have, and create abusive love relationships.

2. Loving and approving of yourself, trusting in the process of life, and feeling safe because you know the power of your own mind are extremely important issues when dealing with addictive behavior. Honesty, forgiveness, self-love, and a willingness to live in the truth can help to heal these early wounds and give the addictive person a reprieve from their behavior. I also find the addictive personality to be a fearful one. There is a great fear of letting go and trusting the life process. As long as we believe that the world is an unsafe place with people and situations waiting to “get” us-then that belief will be our reality.

Say: “I am willing to release the need for ——————————— in my life. I release it now and trust in the process of life to meet my needs”. Say it every morning in your daily meditation and prayers. You have taken another step to freedom.

3. Saying “I approve of myself” is guaranteed to bring up everything in your consciousness that is in opposition. When a negative thought like, “How can you approve of yourself-you spent all of your money” or “You just ate two pieces of cake” or “You”ll never amount to anything,” or whatever your negative babble may be, this is the time to take mental control. Give it no importance. Just see the thought for what it is, another way to keep you stuck in the past. Gently say to this thought, “Thank you for sharing. I let you go, I approve of myself”. These thoughts of resistance will have no power over you unless you choose to believe them.

“I give myself permission to change”.

 

IKIGAI PART 2 (HECTOR GARCIA& FRANSESC MIRALLES)

SIX: LESSONS FROM JAPAN CENTENARIANS

(TRADITIONS AND PROVERBS FOR HAPPINESS AND LONGEVITY) 

Food won’t help you live longer. The secret is smiling and having a good time. 

1. Our days in Ogimi were intense but relaxed—sort of like the lifestyle of the locals, who always seemed to be busy with important tasks but who, upon closer inspection, did everything with a sense of calm. They were always pursuing their ikigai, but they were never in a rush. Not only did they seem to be happily busy, but we also noticed that they followed the other principles for happiness that Washington Burnap stated two hundred years ago: “The grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for“.

2. A few especially meaningful and inspiring statements from Ogimi:

• Don't worry

“The secret to a long life is not to worry. And to keep your heart young—don’t let it grow old. Open your heart to people with a nice smile on your face. If you smile and open your heart, your grandchildren and everyone else will want to see you”.

“The best way to avoid anxiety is to go out in the street and say hello to people. I do it every day. I go out there and say, ‘Hello!’ and ‘See you later!’ Then I go home and care for my vegetable garden. In the afternoon, I spend time with friends”.

“Here, everyone gets along. We try not to cause problems. Spending time together and having fun is the only thing that matters”.

• Cultivate good habits

“The key to staying sharp in old age is in your fingers. From your fingers to your brain, and back again. If you keep your fingers busy, you’ll live to see one hundred”.

“I eat a bit of everything; I think that’s the secret. I like variety in what I eat; I think it tastes better”.

“Working. If you don’t work, your body breaks down”.

• Nurture your friendships every day

“Getting together with my friends is my most important ikigai. We all get together here and talk—it’s very important. I always know I’ll see them all here tomorrow, and that’s one of my favorite things in life”.

“My main hobby is getting together with friends and neighbors”.

“Talking each day with the people you love, that’s the secret to a long life”.

• Live an unhurried life

“My secret to a long life is always saying to l myself, ‘Slow down,’ and ‘Relax.’ You live much longer if you’re not in a hurry”.

“I make things with wicker. That’s my ikigai. The first thing I do when I wake up is pray. Then I do my exercises and eat breakfast. At seven I calmly start working on my wicker. When I get tired at five, I go visit my friends”.

“Doing many different things every day. Always staying busy, but doing one thing at a time, without getting overwhelmed”.

“The secret to long life is going to bed early, waking up early, and going for a walk. Living peacefully and enjoying the little things. Getting along with your friends. Spring, summer, fall, winter . . . enjoying each season, happily”.

• Be optimistic

“Every day I say to myself, ‘Today will be full of health and energy. Live it to the fullest’”.

“Laugh. Laughter is the most important thing. I laugh wherever I go”.

“I do volunteer work to give back to the village a bit of what it has given to me. For example, I use my car to help friends get to the hospital”.

“There’s no secret to it. The trick is just to live“.

SEVEN: THE IKIGAI DIET

(WHAT THE WORLD'S LONGEST-LIVING PEOPLE EAT AND DRINK)

1. What secrets to long life do the Japanese hold? What is it about Okinawa that makes it the best of the best in terms of life expectancy? Experts point out that, for one thing, Okinawa is the only province in Japan without trains. Its residents have to walk or cycle when not driving. It is also the only province that has managed to follow the Japanese government’s recommendation of eating less than ten grams of salt per day.

2. Bradley J. Willcox and D. Craig Willcox joined Makoto Suzuki’s research team and published a book considered the bible on the subject, The Okinawa Program:

• Locals eat a wide variety of foods, especially vegetables. They ate an average of eighteen different foods each day, a striking contrast to the nutritional poverty of our fast-food culture.

• They eat at least five servings of fruits and vegetables every day. At least seven types of fruits and vegetables are consumed by Okinawans on a daily basis. The easiest way to check if there is enough variety on your table is to make sure you’re “eating the rainbow”.

• Grains are the foundation of their diet. Japanese people eat white rice every day, sometimes adding noodles. Rice is the primary food in Okinawa, as well.

• They rarely eat sugar, and if they do, it’s cane sugar. 

3. Hara hachi bu. It’s easy to do: When you notice you’re almost full but could have a little more . . . just stop eating! One easy way to start applying the concept of hara hachi bu is to skip dessert. Or to reduce portion size. The idea is to still be a little bit hungry when you finish.

The key to staying healthy while consuming fewer calories is eating foods with a high nutritional value (especially “superfoods”) and avoiding those that add to our overall caloric intake but offer little to no nutritional value.

4. The calorie restriction we’ve been discussing is one of the most effective ways to add years to your life. If the body regularly consumes enough, or too many, calories, it gets lethargic and starts to wear down, expending significant energy on digestion alone. Another benefit of calorie restriction is that it reduces levels of IGF-1 (insulin-like growth factor 1) in the body. IGF-1 is a protein that plays a significant role in the aging process; it seems that one of the reasons humans and animals age is an excess of this protein in their blood.

An alternative to following the 80 percent rule on a daily basis is to fast for one or two days each week. The 5:2 (or fasting) diet recommends two days of fasting (consuming fewer than five hundred calories) every week and eating normally on the other five days. Among its many benefits, fasting helps cleanse the digestive system and allows it to rest.

5. Okinawans drink more Sanpin-cha—a mix of green tea and jasmine flowers—than any other kind of tea. In addition to all the antioxidant benefits of green tea, it boasts the benefits of jasmine, which include:

~ Reducing the risk of heart attack

~ Strengthening the immune system

~ Helping relieve stress

~ Lowering cholesterol

Foods that should be eliminated are refined sugar and grains, processed baked goods, and prepared foods, along with cow’s milk and all its derivatives. Following this diet will help you feel younger and slow the process of premature aging.

EIGHT: GENTLE MOVEMENT, LONGER LIFE

(EXERCISES FROM THE EAST THAT PROMOTE HEALTH AND LONGEVITY)

1. Studies from the Blue Zones suggest that the people who live longest are not the ones who do the most exercise but rather the ones who move the most. When we visited Ogimi, the Village of Longevity, we discovered that even people over eighty and ninety years old are still highly active. They don’t stay at home looking out the window or reading the newspaper. Ogimi’s residents walk a lot, do karaoke with their neighbors, get up early in the morning, and, as soon as they’ve had breakfast—or even before—head outside to weed their gardens. They don’t go to the gym or exercise intensely, but they almost never stop moving in the course of their daily routines.

2. We’ll take a look at some of the practices that promote health and longevity:

• Radio taiso

The exercises take five or ten minutes, depending on whether you do all or only some of them. They focus on dynamic stretching and increasing joint mobility. One of the most iconic radio taiso exercises consists of simply raising your arms above your head and then bringing them down in a circular motion. It is a tool to wake up the body, an easy mobility workout that is low in intensity and that focuses on exercising as many joints as possible.

• Yoga

The word yoga itself comes from the Sanskrit term for “yoke,” which refers to the crosspiece that binds draft animals to one another and to the cart they’re pulling. Yoga strives to unite body and mind in the same

way, guiding us toward a healthy lifestyle in harmony with the world around us.

• Tai chi

Tai chi was originally a neijia, or internal martial art, meaning its goal was personal growth. Focused on self-defense, it teaches those who practice it to defeat their adversaries by using the least amount of force possible and by relying on agility.

• Qigong

Also known as chi kung, its name combines qi (life force, or energy) and gong (work), indicating that the form works with the individual’s life force. Qigong involves static and dynamic physical exercises that stimulate respiration in a standing, seated, or reclined position. 

• Shiatsu

Created in Japan in the early twentieth century, principally for the treatment of

arthritis, shiatsu also works on energy flow through the application of pressure with the thumbs and the palms of the hands. In combination with stretching and breathing exercises, it seeks to create equilibrium among the different elements of the body.

3. Sun Simiao was a proponent of a technique called the Six Healing Sounds, which involves the coordination of movement, breathing, and pronouncing sounds with the purpose of bringing our souls to a place of calm. The six sounds are:

~ Xu, pronounced like “shh” with a deep sigh, which is associated with the liver

~ He, pronounced like “her” with a yawn, which is associated with the heart

~ Si, pronounced like “sir” with a slow exhale, which is associated with the lungs

~ Chui, pronounced like “chwee” with a forceful exhale, which is associated with

the kidneys

~ Hoo, pronounced like “who,” which is associated with the spleen

~ Xi, pronounced like “she, ” which connects the whole body

NINE: RESILIENCE AND WABI-SABI

(HOW TO FACE LIFE-CHALLENGES WITHOUT LETTING STRESS AND WORRY AGE YOU)

1. Resilience isn’t just the ability to persevere. It is also an outlook we can cultivate to stay focused on the important things in life rather than what is most urgent, and to keep ourselves from being carried away by negative emotions. Sooner or later, we all have to face difficult moments, and the way we do this can make a huge difference to our quality of life. Proper training for our mind, body, and emotional resilience is essential for confronting life’s ups and downs.

Nana korobi ya oki 七転び八起き

Fall seven times, rise eight—Japanese proverb

2. Resilience is our ability to deal with setbacks. The more resilient we are, the easier it will be to pick ourselves up and get back to what gives meaning to our lives. Resilient people know how to stay focused on their objectives, on what matters, without giving in to discouragement. Their flexibility is the source of their strength: They know how to adapt to change and to reversals of fortune. They concentrate on the things they can control and don’t worry about those they can’t.

God, give us grace to accept with serenity

the things that cannot be changed,

Courage to change the things

which should be changed,

and the Wisdom to distinguish

the one from the other—Reinhold Niebuhr. 

3. Worrying about things that are beyond our control accomplishes nothing. We should have a clear sense of what we can change and what we can’t, which in turn will allow us to resist giving in to negative emotions. In the words of Epictetus, “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react that matters.

4. Another key to cultivating resilience is knowing in which time to live. The present is all that exists, and it is the only thing we can control. Instead of worrying about the past or the future, we should appreciate things just as they are in the moment, in the now. The only moment in which you can be truly alive is the present moment. 

Being aware of the impermanence of things does not have to make us sad; it should help us love the present moment and those who surround us.

5. Wabi-sabi is a Japanese concept that shows us the beauty of the fleeting, changeable, and imperfect nature of the world around us. Instead of searching for beauty in perfection, we should look for it in things that are flawed, incomplete. This is why the Japanese place such value, for example, on an irregular or cracked teacup. Only things that are imperfect, incomplete, and ephemeral can truly be beautiful, because only those things resemble the natural world.

6. A complementary Japanese concept is that of ichi-go ichi-e, which could be translated as “This moment exists only now and won’t come again”. It is heard most often in social gatherings as a reminder that each encounter—whether with friends, family, or strangers—is unique and will never be repeated, meaning that we should enjoy the moment and not lose ourselves in worries about the past or the future.

Ichi-go ichi-e teaches us to focus on the present and enjoy each moment that life brings us. This is why it is so important to find and pursue our ikigai.

Wabi-sabi teaches us to appreciate the beauty of imperfection as an opportunity

for growth.

7. As Nassim Nicholas Taleb explains in Antifragile: Things That Gain from Disorder, we use the word fragile to describe people, things, and organizations that are weakened when harmed, and the words robust and resilient for things that are able to withstand harm without weakening, but we don’t have a word for things that get stronger when harmed (up to a point). To refer to the kind of power possessed by the Hydra of Lerna, to talk about things that get stronger when they are harmed, Taleb proposes the term antifragile: “Antifragility is beyond resilience or robustness. The resilient resists shocks and stays the same; the antifragile gets better”.

8. How can we be more antifragile?

~ Step 1: Create redundancies

Instead of having a single salary, try to find a way to make money from your hobbies, at other jobs, or by starting your own business. The same idea goes for friendships and personal interests. Why should I add anything new? It might seem like a waste of time to add variation to our lives, because extraordinary things don’t ordinarily happen. But the unexpected always happens, sooner or later.

~ Step 2: Bet conservatively in certain areas and take many small risks in others

The key to becoming antifragile is taking on small risks that might lead to great reward, without exposing ourselves to dangers that might sink us, such as investing $10,000 in a fund of questionable reputation that we saw advertised in the newspaper.

~ Step 3: Get rid of the things that make you fragile

Ask yourself: What makes me fragile? Certain people, things, and habits generate losses for us and make us vulnerable. Who and what are they? To build resilience into our lives, we shouldn’t fear adversity, because each setback is an opportunity for growth. If we adopt an antifragile attitude, we’ll find a way to get stronger with every blow, refining our lifestyle and staying focused on our ikigai.

Life is pure imperfection, as the philosophy of wabi-sabi teaches us, and the passage of time shows us that everything is fleeting, but if you have a clear sense of your ikigai, each moment will hold so many possibilities that it will seem almost like an eternity.

EPILOGUE

(IKIGAI: THE ART OF LIVING)

1. Mitsuo Aida was one of the most important calligraphers and haikuists of the

twentieth century. Many of Aida’s haikus philosophize about the importance of the present moment, and the passage of time. The poem reproduced below could be translated as “In the here and now, the only thing in my life is your life”.

いまここにしかないわたし

のいのちあなたのいのち

In another poem, Aida writes simply, “Here, now”. It is an artwork that seeks to evoke feelings of mono no aware (a melancholy appreciation of the ephemeral).

いまここ

The following poem touches on one of the secrets of bringing ikigai into our lives: “Happiness is always determined by your heart”.

しあわせはいつも自分の心がきめる

This last one, also by Aida, means “Keep going; don’t change your path”.

そのままでいいがな

2. Once you discover your ikigai, pursuing it and nurturing it every day will bring meaning to your life. The moment your life has this purpose, you will achieve a happy state of flow in all you do, like the calligrapher at his canvas or the chef who, after half a century, still prepares sushi for his patrons with love.

3. Our ikigai is different for all of us, but one thing we have in common is that we are all searching for meaning. When we spend our days feeling connected to what is meaningful to us, we live more fully; when we lose the connection, we feel despair. Modern life estranges us more and more from our true nature, making it very easy for us to lead lives lacking in meaning. Powerful forces and incentives (money, power, attention, success) distract us on a daily basis; don’t let them take over your life.

4. Our intuition and curiosity are very powerful internal compasses to help us connect with our ikigai. Follow those things you enjoy, and get away from or change those you dislike. Be led by your curiosity, and keep busy by doing things.that fill you with meaning and happiness. It doesn’t need to be a big thing: we might find meaning in being good parents or in helping our neighbors. There is no perfect strategy to connecting with our ikigai. But what we learned from the Okinawans is that we should not worry too much about finding it.

Life is not a problem to be solved. Just remember to have something that keeps you busy doing what you love while being surrounded by the people who love you.

5. The ten rules of ikigai:

• Stay active; don’t retire. Those who give up the things they love doing and do well lose their purpose in life. That’s why it’s so important to keep doing things of value, making progress, bringing beauty or utility to others, helping out, and shaping the world around you, even after your “official” professional activity has ended.

• Take it slow. Being in a hurry is inversely proportional to quality of life. As the old saying goes, “Walk slowly and you’ll go far”. When we leave urgency behind, life and time take on new meaning.

• Don’t fill your stomach. Less is more when it comes to eating for long life, too. According to the 80 percent rule, in order to stay healthier longer, we should eat a little less than our hunger demands instead of stuffing ourselves.

• Surround yourself with good friends. Friends are the best medicine, there for confiding worries over a good chat, sharing stories that brighten your day,.getting advice, having fun, dreaming . . . in other words, living.

• Get in shape for your next birthday. Water moves; it is at its best when it flows fresh and doesn’t stagnate. The body you move through life in needs a bit of daily maintenance to keep it running for a long time. Plus, exercise releases hormones that make us feel happy.

• Smile. A cheerful attitude is not only relaxing—it also helps make friends. It’s good to recognize the things that aren’t so great, but we should never forget what a privilege it is to be in the here and now in a world so full of possibilities.

• Reconnect with nature. Though most people live in cities these days, human beings are made to be part of the natural world. We should return to it often to recharge our batteries.

• Give thanks. To your ancestors, to nature, which provides you with the air you breathe and the food you eat, to your friends and family, to everything that brightens your days and makes you feel lucky to be alive. Spend a moment every day giving thanks, and you’ll watch your stockpile of happiness grow.

• Live in the moment. Stop regretting the past and fearing the future. Today is all you have. Make the most of it. Make it worth remembering.

• Follow your ikigai. There is a passion inside you, a unique talent that gives meaning to your days and drives you to share the best of yourself until the very end. If you don’t know what your ikigai is yet, as Viktor Frankl says, your mission is to discover it.

IKIGAI: THE JAPANESE SECRET TO A LONG AND HAPPY LIFE

HECTOR GARCIA & FRANCESC MIRALLES

IKIGAI PART 1 (HECTOR GARCIA& FRANSESC MIRALLES)

Only staying active will make you want to live a hundred years—Japanese proverb.

PROLOGUE

IKIGAI: A MYSTERIOUS WORD

1. Ikigai, this Japanese concept, which translates roughly as “the happiness of always being busy,” is like logotherapy, but it goes a step beyond. It also seems to be one way of explaining the extraordinary longevity of the Japanese, especially on the island of Okinawa, where there are 24.55 people over the age of 100 for every 100,000 inhabitants—far more than the global average.

2. It never ceased to surprise us that this haven of nearly eternal life was located precisely in Okinawa, where two hundred thousand innocent lives were lost at the end of World War II. Rather than harbor animosity toward outsiders, however, Okinawans live by the principle of ichariba chode, a local expression that means “treat everyone like a brother, even if you’ve never met them before”. It turns out that one of the secrets to happiness of Ogimi’s residents is feeling like part of a community. From an early age they practice yuimaaru, or teamwork, and so are used to helping one another.

3. Nurturing friendships, eating light, getting enough rest, and doing regular, moderate exercise are all part of the equation of good health, but at the heart of the joie de vivre that inspires these centenarians to keep celebrating birthdays and cherishing each new day is their ikigai. The purpose of this book is to bring the secrets of Japan’s centenarians to you and give you the tools to find your own ikigai. Because those who discover their ikigai have everything they need for a long and joyful journey through life. Happy travels!

ONE: IKIGAI

(THE ART OF STAYING YOUNG WHEN GROWING OLD) 

1. According to the Japanese, everyone has an ikigai—what a French philosopher might call a raison d’être. Some people have found their ikigai, while others are still looking, though they carry it within them. Our ikigai is hidden deep inside each of us, and finding it requires a patient search. According to those born on Okinawa, the island with the most centenarians in the world, our ikigai is the reason we get up in the morning.

2. Having a clearly defined ikigai brings satisfaction, happiness, and meaning to our lives. There is, in fact, no word in Japanese that means retire in the sense of “leaving the workforce for good” as in English. According to Dan Buettner, a National Geographic reporter who knows the country well, having a purpose in life is so important in Japanese culture that our idea of retirement simply doesn’t exist there.

3. In Japanese, ikigai is written as 生き甲斐, combining 生き, which means “life,” with 甲斐, which means “to be worthwhile”. 甲斐 can be broken down into the characters 甲, which means “armor,” “number one,” and “to be the first” (to head into battle, taking initiative as a leader), and 斐, which means “beautiful” or “elegant”.

The Okinawans’ focus on ikigai gives a sense of purpose to each and every day and plays an important role in their health and longevity.

4. According to scientists who have studied the five Blue Zones, the keys to longevity are diet, exercise, finding a purpose in life (an ikigai), and forming strong social ties—that is, having a broad circle of friends and good family relations. Members of these communities manage their time well in order to reduce stress, consume little meat or processed foods, and drink alcohol in moderation. They don’t do strenuous exercise, but they do move every day, taking walks and working in their vegetable gardens. People in the Blue Zones would rather walk than drive. Gardening, which involves daily low-intensity movement, is a practice almost all of them have in common.

5. One of the most common sayings in Japan is “Hara hachi bu,” which is repeated before or after eating and means something like “Fill your belly to 80 percent”. Ancient wisdom advises against eating until we are full. This is why Okinawans stop eating when they feel their stomachs reach 80 percent of their capacity, rather than overeating and wearing down their bodies with long digestive processes that accelerate cellular oxidation. The extra side dish, the snack we eat when we know in our hearts we don’t really need it, the apple pie after lunch—all these will give us pleasure in the short term, but not having them will make us happier in the long term.

TWO: ANTI-AGING SECRET

(LITTLE THINGS THAT ADD UP TO A LONG AND HAPPY LIFE) 

1. There is much wisdom in the classic saying “mens sana in corpore sano” (“a sound mind in a sound body”): It reminds us that both mind and body are important, and that the health of one is connected to that of the other. It has been shown that maintaining an active, adaptable mind is one of the key factors in staying young. Having a youthful mind also drives you toward a healthy lifestyle that will slow the aging process. This is why it’s so important to give your brain a workout.

2. Presented with new information, the brain creates new connections and is revitalized. This is why it is so important to expose yourself to change, even if stepping outside your comfort zone means feeling a bit of anxiety. The effects of mental training have been scientifically demonstrated. Mental training is beneficial on many levels: “You begin exercising your brain by doing a certain task for the first time. And at first it seems very difficult, but as you learn how to do it, the training is already working. The second time, you realize that it’s easier, not harder, to do, because you’re getting better at it. This has a fantastic effect on a person’s mood. In and of itself, it is a transformation that affects not only the results obtained, but also his or her self-image”.

Our neurons start to age while we are still in our twenties. This process is slowed, however, by intellectual activity, curiosity, and a desire to learn. Dealing with new situations, learning something new every day, playing games, and interacting with other people seem to be essential antiaging strategies for the mind. Furthermore, a more positive outlook in this regard will yield greater mental benefits.

3. Whether or not the threats we perceive are real, stress is an easily identifiable condition that not only causes anxiety but is also highly psychosomatic, affecting everything from our digestive system to our skin. One way to reach a state of mindfulness is through meditation, which helps filter the information that reaches us from the outside world. It can also be achieved through breathing exercises, yoga, and body scans. Achieving mindfulness involves a gradual process of training, but with a bit of practice we can learn to focus our mind completely, which reduces stress and helps us live longer.

4. Spending too much time seated at work or at home not only reduces muscular and respiratory fitness but also increases appetite and curbs the desire to participate in activities. Being sedentary can lead to hypertension, imbalanced eating, cardiovascular disease, osteoporosis, and even certain kinds of cancer. Recent studies have shown a connection between a lack of physical activity and the progressive distortion of telomeres in the immune system, which ages those cells and, in turn, the organism as a whole. It’s easy to be less sedentary; it just takes a bit of effort and a few changes to your routine. We can access a more active lifestyle that makes us feel better inside and out—we just have to add a few ingredients to our everyday habits:

• Walk to work, or just go on a walk for at least twenty minutes each day

• Use your feet instead of an elevator or escalator. This is good for your posture, your muscles, and your respiratory system, among other things

• Participate in social or leisure activities so that you don’t spend too much time in front of the television

• Replace your junk food with fruit and you’ll have less of an urge to snack, and more nutrients in your system

• Get the right amount of sleep. Seven to nine hours is good, but any more than that makes us lethargic

• Play with children or pets, or join a sports team. This not only strengthens the body but also stimulates the mind and boosts self-esteem

• Be conscious of your daily routine in order to detect harmful habits and replace them with more positive ones

5. The mind has tremendous power over the body and how quickly it ages. Most doctors agree that the secret to keeping the body young is keeping the mind active—a key element of ikigai—and in not caving in when we face difficulties throughout our lives. One study, conducted at Yeshiva University, found that the people who live the longest have two dispositional traits in common: a positive attitude and a high degree of emotional awareness. In other words, those who face challenges with a positive outlook and are able to manage their emotions are already well on their way toward longevity.

THREE: FROM LOGOTHERAPY TO IKIGAI

(HOW TO LIVE LONGER AND BETTER BY FINDING YOUR PURPOSE)

1. What, does logotherapy do? It helps you find reasons to live. Logotherapy pushes patients to consciously discover their life’s purpose in order to confront their neuroses. Their quest to fulfill their destiny then motivates them to press forward, breaking the mental chains of the past and overcoming whatever obstacles they encounter along the way.

2. The process of logotherapy can be summarized in these five steps:

• A person feels empty, frustrated, or anxious

• The therapist shows him that what he is feeling is the desire to have a meaningful life

• The patient discovers his life’s purpose (at that particular point in time)

• Of his own free will, the patient decides to accept or reject that destiny

• This newfound passion for life helps him overcome obstacles and sorrows

3. Logotherapy does not see this frustration as mental illness, the way other forms of therapy do, but rather as spiritual anguish—a natural and beneficial phenomenon that drives those who suffer from it to seek a cure, whether on their own or with the help of others, and in so doing to find greater satisfaction in life. It helps them change their own destiny. Logotherapy enters the picture if the person needs help doing this, if he needs guidance in discovering his life’s purpose and later in overcoming conflicts so he can keep moving toward his objective. 

4. Better living through logotherapy: A few key ideas:

~ We don’t create the meaning of our life, as Sartre claimed—we discover it

~ We each have a unique reason for being, which can be adjusted or transformed many times over the years

~ Just as worry often brings about precisely the thing that was feared, excessive attention to a desire (or “hyper-intention”) can keep that desire from being fulfilled

~ Humor can help break negative cycles and reduce anxiety

~ We all have the capacity to do noble or terrible things. The side of the equation we end up on depends on our decisions, not on the condition in which we find ourselves

5. The basic principles of Morita therapy:

a. Accept your feelings

We don’t create our feelings; they simply come to us, and we have to accept them. The trick is welcoming them.

b. Do what you should be doing

We should focus instead on the present moment, and if we are suffering, on accepting that suffering. Above all, we should avoid intellectualizing the situation. The therapist’s mission is to develop the patient’s character so he or she can face any situation, and character is grounded in

the things we do. 

c. Discover your life’s purpose

“What do we need to be doing right now? What action should we be taking?” The key to achieving this is having dared to look inside yourself to find your ikigai.

6. The four phases of Morita therapy:

• Isolation and rest (five to seven days)

During the first week of treatment, the patient rests in a room without any external stimuli. All the patient has is his thoughts. When the patient gets bored and wants to start doing things again, he is ready to move on to the next stage of therapy.

• Light occupational therapy (five to seven days)

In this stage, the patient performs repetitive tasks in silence. One of these is keeping a diary about his thoughts and feelings. The patient goes outside after a week of being shut in, takes walks in nature, and does breathing exercises. 

• Occupational therapy (five to seven days) In this stage, the patient performs tasks that require physical movement. The patient can speak with others at this stage, but only about the tasks at hand.

• The return to social life and the “real” world

The idea is to reenter society as a new person, with a sense of purpose, and without being controlled by social or emotional pressures.

7. Logotherapy and Morita therapy are both grounded in a personal, unique experience that you can access without therapists or spiritual retreats: the mission of finding your ikigai, your existential fuel. Once you find it, it is only a matter of having the courage and making the effort to stay on the right path.

FOUR: FIND FLOW IN EVERYTHING YOU DO

(HOW TO TURN WORK AND FREE TIME INTO A SPACE TO GROWTH)

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit —Aristotle

1. We’ve all felt our sense of time vanish when we lose ourselves in an activity we enjoy. We start cooking and before we know it, several hours have passed. What makes us enjoy doing something so much that we forget about whatever worries we might have while we do it? When are we happiest? These questions can help us discover our ikigai.

2. If you often find yourself losing focus while working on something you consider important, there are several strategies you can employ to increase your chances of achieving flow:

~ Strategy 1: Choose a difficult task (but not too difficult!)

Schaffer’s model encourages us to take on tasks that we have a chance of completing but that are slightly outside our comfort zone.

~ Strategy 2: Have a clear, concrete objective

It is much more important to have a compass pointing to a concrete objective than to have a map.

~ Strategy 3: Concentrate on a single task

We often think that combining tasks will save us time, but scientific evidence shows that it has the opposite effect. Concentrating on one thing at a time may be the single most important factor in achieving flow.

3. According to researcher Owen Schaffer of DePaul University, the requirements for achieving flow are:

• Knowing what to do

• Knowing how to do it

• Knowing how well you are doing

• Knowing where to go (where navigation is involved)

• Perceiving significant challenges

• Perceiving significant skills

• Being free from distractions

Can someone really retire if he is passionate about what he does?

4. We’ve all been bored in a class or at a conference and started doodling to keep ourselves entertained. Or whistled while painting a wall. If we’re not truly being challenged, we get bored and add a layer of complexity to amuse ourselves. Our ability to turn routine tasks into moments of microflow, into something we enjoy, is key to our being happy, since we all have to do such tasks.

Training the mind can get us to a place of flow more quickly. Meditation is one way to exercise our mental muscles. There are many types of meditation, but they all have the same objective: calming the mind, observing our thoughts and emotions, and centering our focus on a single object.

5. Focus on enjoying your daily rituals, using them as tools to enter a state of flow. Don’t worry about the outcome—it will come naturally. Happiness is in the doing, not in the result. As a rule of thumb, remind yourself: “Rituals over goals”. The happiest people are not the ones who achieve the most. They are the ones who spend more time than others in a state of flow.

Flow is mysterious. It is like a muscle: the more you train it, the more you will flow, and the closer you will be to your ikigai.

FIVE: MASTERS OF LONGEVITY

(WORDS OF WISDOM FROM THE LONGEST-LIVING PEOPLE IN THE WORLD) 

1. The secret to long life, however, is not held by supercentenarians alone. There are many people of advanced age who, though they haven’t made it into Guinness World Records, offer us inspiration and ideas for bringing energy and meaning to our lives. Artists, for example, who carry the torch of their ikigai instead of retiring, have this power. Art, in all its forms, is an ikigai that can bring happiness and purpose to our days. Enjoying or creating beauty is free, and something all human beings have access to.

2. “You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then—to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting”—T. H. White, The Once and Future King.

“You stay in your time. You don’t go backward. I think if you relate to the time you’re in, you keep your eyes and ears open, read the paper, see what’s going on, stay curious about everything, you will automatically be in your time” (Frank Gehry).

3. The sense of community, and the fact that Japanese people make an effort to stay active until the very end, are key elements of their secret to long life. If you want to stay busy even when there’s no need to work, there has to be an ikigai on your horizon, a purpose that guides you throughout your life and pushes you to make things of beauty and utility for the community and yourself. 

FOR ONE MORE DAY (MITCH ALBOM)

1. Have you ever lost someone you love and wanted one more conversation, one more chance to make up for the time when you thought they would be here forever? If so, then you know you can go your whole life collecting days, and none will outweigh the one you wish you had back. What if you got it back?

2. The truth is, there is no line. There's only your life, how you mess it up, and who is there to save you. Or who isn't.

3. “I'm sorry you didn't get a chance to say good-bye, Dad".

4. Mothers support certain illusions about their children, and one of my illusions was that I liked who I was, because she did. When she passed away, so did that idea. The truth is, I didn't like who I was at all.

5. When you're rotten about yourself, you become rotten to everyone else, even those you love.

6. That's the thing when your parents die, you feel like instead of going into every fight with backup, you are going into every fight alone.

7. All that happens when your dream comes true is a slow, melting realization that it wasn't what you thought. And it won't save you.

8. "So, " she said, moving away, "now you know how badly someone wanted you, Charley. Children forget that sometimes. They think of  themselves as a burden instead of a wish granted".

9. I would go with my mother wherever she wanted to go until whatever I had done caught up with me. To be honest, not all of me wanted it to end. When a lost loved one appears before you, it's your brain that fights it, not your heart.

10. "It's nice that you spend a day with your mother," she said. "Children should do it more often.

11. "A child embarrassed by his mother," she said, "is just a child who hasn't lived long enough".

12. Going back to something is harder than you think.

13. "But... " I stumbled for words. "You couldn't do the work that mattered to you". My mother looked at me with a glint of defiance. "I did what mattered to me, " she said. "I was a mother".

14. When someone is in your heart, they're never truly gone. They can come back to you, even at unlikely times.

15. I saw in her expression that old, unshakable mountain of concern. And I realized when you look at your mother, you are looking at the purest love you will ever know.

16. "You have one family, Charley. For good or bad. You have one family. You can't trade them in. You can't lie to them. You can't run two at once, substituting back and forth. Sticking with your family is what makes it a family." She sighed.

17. I could still hear his words, forcing my decision: mama's boy or daddy's boy, Chick? What's it gonna be? "I made the wrong choice," I whispered. My mother shook her head. "A child should never have to choose".

18. I feel ashamed now that I tried to take my life. It is such a precious thing. I had no one to talk me out of my despair, and that was a mistake. You need to keep people close. You need to give them access to your heart.

19. There's a story behind everything. How a picture got on a wall. How a scar got on your face. Sometimes the stories are simple, and sometimes they are hard and heartbreaking. But behind all your stories is always your mother's story, because hers is where yours begins.

20. "Remember me for these days, not the old ones".

21. One day spent with someone you love can change everything.