LOVE YOURSELF HEAL YOUR LIFE PART 2 (LOUISE HAY)

CHAPTER 9: FORGIVENESS

“I am forgiven and I am free”.

1. Forgiveness is a difficult area for most of us. We all need to do forgiveness work. Anyone who has a problem with loving themselves is stuck in this area. Forgiveness opens our hearts to self-love. Many of us carry grudges for years and years. We feel self-righteous because of what they did to us. I call this being stuck in the prison of self-righteous resentment. We get to be right. We never get to be happy.

2. One of our biggest spiritual lessons is to understand that “everyone” is doing the best they can at any given moment. People can only do so much with the understanding, awareness, and knowledge that they have. Invariably, anyone who mistreats someone was mistreated as a child. The greater the violence, the greater their own inner pain. This is not to condone poor behavior. However, for our own spiritual growth, we must be aware of their pain.

3. The incident is over. Perhaps long over. Let it go. Allow yourself to be free. Come out of prison and step into the sunshine of life. If the incident is still going on, then ask yourself why you think so little of yourself that you still put up with it. Why do you stay in such a situation? The purpose of this book is to help you raise your self-esteem to such a level that you only allow loving experiences in your life. Don’t waste time trying to “get even“. It doesn’t work. What we give out always comes back to us. So let’s drop the past and work on loving ourselves in the now. Then we shall have a wonderful future.

That person who is the hardest to forgive is the one who can teach you the greatest lessons. When you love yourself enough to rise above the old situation, then understanding and forgiveness will be easy. And you will be free.

4. An interesting phenomenon is that when we do our own forgiveness work, other people often respond to it. It is not necessary to go to the person involved and tell them that you forgive them. Sometimes you want to do this. You do not have to. The major work of forgiveness is done in your own heart. Forgiveness is seldom for “them”. It is for us. The person you need to forgive may even be dead. I have heard from many people that when they have truly forgiven, a month or two later, they may receive a phone call or a letter from the other person, asking to be forgiven. This seems to be particularly true for forgiveness done in front of a mirror. As you do this exercise, notice how deep your feelings might be.

Most of all, forgive yourself. Stop being hard on yourself. Self-punishment isn’t necessary. You were doing the very best you could.

5. Sit in front of the mirror once again with your list. Say to each person on your list, “I forgive you for ————————”. Breathe. “I forgive you and I set you free”. Continue to go down your list, if you feel free from anger with a person, cross them off. If you are not free of anger, put them aside and come back to the work later. As you continue to do this exercise, you will find burdens melting off your shoulders. You may be surprised to notice how much old baggage you have been carrying. Be gentle with yourself as you go through the cleansing process.

“I give myself permission to let go”.

CHAPTER 10: WORK

“It is a joy to express my creativity and be appreciated”.

1. Our jobs and the work that we do are a reflection of our own self-worth and our value to the world. On one level, work is an exchange of time and services for money. As long as we are doing an honest day’s work, our self-esteem can be in order. However, the kind of work we do is important to us because we are unique individuals. We want to feel that we are making a contribution to the world. We need to use our own talents, intelligence, and creative ability.

2. Remember that whatever position you may find yourself in... your thinking got you there. The people around you are only mirroring what you believe you deserve. Thoughts can be changed. Situations can be changed as well. That boss that we find intolerable could become our champion. That dead-end position with no hope of advancement may open up to a new career full of possibilities. The co-worker who is so annoying might turn out to be, if not a friend, at least someone who is easier to get along with. The salary that we find insufficient can increase in the twinkle of an eye. We could find a wonderful new job.

3. There are an infinite number of channels if we can change our thinking. Let’s open ourselves up to them. We must accept in consciousness that abundance and fulfillment can come from anywhere. The change may be small at first such as an added assignment from your boss in which you could demonstrate your intelligence and creativity. You may treat a co-worker as if they were not the enemy and as a result, experience a notable change in behavior. Whatever the change may be, accept and rejoice in it. You are not alone. You are the change. The power that created you has given you the power to create your own experiences!

“I give myself permission to be creatively fulfilled”.

CHAPTER 11: MONEY AND PROSPERITY

“Infinite prosperity is mine to share; I am blessed”. 

Having more money is not enough. We need to learn how to deserve and enjoy the money that we have.

1. Large amounts of money do not guarantee prosperity. People who have a lot of money can be engulfed in poverty consciousness. They can be more fearful about not having money than someone who lives on the streets. The ability to enjoy their money and to live in a world of abundance may elude them. Socrates, the great philosopher, once said that “contentment is natural wealth, luxury is artificial poverty”. As I have said many times, your prosperity consciousness is not dependent upon money; your flow of money is dependent upon your prosperity consciousness.

Our pursuit of money must contribute to the quality of our lives. If it does not, that is, if we hate what we do in order to get money, then money will be useless. Prosperity involves the quality of our lives as well as any amount of money that we possess.

2. Prosperity is not defined by money alone; it encompasses time, love, success, joy, comfort, beauty, and wisdom. For example, you can be poor with respect to time. If you feel rushed, pressured, and harried, then your time is steeped in poverty. But, if you feel you have all of the time you need to finish any task at hand, and you are confident that you can finish any job, then you are prosperous when it comes to time. Or what about success? Do you feel that it’s beyond your reach and completely unattainable? Or do you feel that you can be a success in your own right? If you do, then you are rich with respect to success.

3. Know that whatever your beliefs are, they can be changed in this moment. The power that created you has given you the power to create your own experiences. You can change!

“I give myself permission to prosper”.

CHAPTER 12: FRIENDS

“I am a friend to myself”

1. Friendships can be our most enduring and important relationships. We can live without lovers or spouses. We can live without our primary families, but most of us cannot live happily without friends. I believe that we choose our parents before we are born into this planet, but we choose our friends on a more conscious level. Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote an essay on friendship, calling it the “nectar of the gods. He explained that in romantic relationships, one person is always trying to change the other, but friends can stand back and look at one another with appreciation and respect.

2. Friends can be an extension or a substitute for the nuclear family. There is a great need in most of us to share life experiences with others. Not only do we learn more about others when we engage in friendship, but we can also learn more about ourselves. These relationships are mirrors of our self-worth and esteem. They afford us the perfect opportunity to look at ourselves, and the areas where we might need to grow.

3. When the bond between friends becomes strained, we can look to the negative messages of childhood. It may be time for mental housecleaning. Cleaning the mental house after a lifetime of negative messages is a bit like going on a good nutritional program after a lifetime of eating junk foods. As you change your diet, the body will throw off a toxic residue, and you may feel worse for a day or two. So it is when you make a decision to change mental thought patterns. Your circumstances may worsen for a while. But remember! You may have to dig through a lot of dry weed to get to the rich soil below. But you can do it!

“I give myself permission to be a friend”.

CHAPTER 13: SEXUALITY

“I am at peace with my own sexuality”.

1. Sex is a difficult area for a lot of people. Many complain that they are getting too much or too little. Sex threatens them, motivates them, maddens them, and offers escape. It can be tender, loving, joyful, painful, explosive, wondrous, fulfilling, or humiliating. People often equate sex with love, or they need to be in love to have sex. Many of us grew up believing that sex was sinful unless we were married, or that sex was for procreation and not for pleasure. Some people have rebelled against this concept and feel that sex has nothing to do with love.

Most of our beliefs about sex can be traced to our childhood and our ideas about God and religion. 

2. When we were babies, we knew how perfect our bodies were, and we loved our sexuality. Babies are never ashamed of themselves. No baby ever measures its hips to find its self-worth. We must let go of images and beliefs that do not nourish and support us.

3.  I believe that sex is meant to be a joyful, loving act, and as long as our hearts are open, and we really care about ourselves, we will not harm ourselves or others. However, sex can be another form of abuse and express low self-worth. If we constantly need a new partner to make us feel worthy, or allow infidelity to be a way of life, we need to examine our thinking.

“I give myself permission to enjoy my body”.

CHAPTER 14: LOVE AND INTIMACY

“Love surrounds me. I am loving, loveable, and loved”.

1. How did you experience love as a child? In your family was love expressed through fighting, yelling, crying, door-slamming, manipulation, control, silence, or revenge? If it was, then you will seek out similar experiences as an adult. You will find the people who will reinforce those ideas. If, as a child, you looked for love and found pain, then as an adult you will find pain instead of love until you release your old family pattern.

2. Perhaps all of your relationships ended as a result of your partner leaving you. The need in you to be left could come from a family divorce, a parent withdrawing from you because you weren’t what they wanted you to be, or a death in the family. To change the pattern, you need to forgive your parent AND understand that you don’t have to repeat this old behavior. You free them and yourself.

3. For every habit or pattern we repeat over and over again, there is a NEED WITHIN US for such repetition. The need corresponds to some belief that we have. If there was no need, we would not have to have it, do it, or be it. Self-criticism does not break the pattern: letting go of the need does.

4. Your old thoughts and beliefs continue to form your experiences until you let them go. Your future thoughts have not been formed, and you do not know what they will be. Your current thought, the one you are thinking right now, is totally under your control. We are the only ones who choose our thoughts. We may habitually think the same thought over and over so that it does not seem as if we are choosing the thought. But, we did make the original choice. We can refuse to think certain thoughts. How often have you refused to think a positive thought about yourself? You can also refuse to think a negative thought about yourself. It just takes practice.

“I give myself permission to experience intimate love”.

PART 3: YOUR NEW LIFE

CHAPTER 15: YOUR NEW PICTURE

“I see myself in a new light”.

1. “I recognize that I am the source of my happiness”. We have explored SO many areas of our lives. We have uncovered negative patterns and beliefs. We have relinquished old baggage. We feel freer and lighter. We are open and receptive to good. So the next question is: What would make you happy? This is not time to talk about what you don’t want. This is a time to be very clear about what you do want in your life.

2. It is exciting to have wonderful people, places, and things in our lives. However, we must be clear that these things do not “make us happy”. Only we can “make us happy”. Only we can think the thoughts that can create peace and joy. Never give power to an outside person or source. Make yourself happy, and all good will flow to you in great abundance.

3. Look into the mirror. Breathe. Smile. Say, “I deserve to have a wonderful life”. Breathe again. “I deserve everything on my list”. Breathe. “I deserve and accept all good in my life”. Breathe. “I am a loving, worthwhile person, and I love myself”. Breathe. “All is well in my world”.

RELAXATION AND MEDITATION

1. Relaxation is essential to the healing process. It is hard to allow the healing energies to flow within us if we are tense and frightened. Dr. Bernie Siegel said, “The physical benefits of meditation have been well documented. It tends to lower or normalize blood pressure, pulse rate, and the level of stress hormones in the blood. Its benefits are also multiplied when combined with regular exercise. In short, it reduces wear and tear on both body and mind, helping people live better and longer”.

2. It only takes a moment or two, several times a day, to allow the body to let go and relax. At any moment, you can close your eyes and take two or three deep breaths and release whatever tension you may be carrying. If you have more time, sit or lie quietly, and talk your body into complete relaxation. Say silently to yourself, “My toes are relaxing, my feet are relaxing, my ankles are letting go,” etc., working all the way up and down your body, or you may begin with you head and work down. At the end of this simple exercise, you will be peaceful and calm for a while. Repeating this often can create a peaceful state within you, most of the time. This is a very positive, physical meditation that you can do anywhere.

3. Meditation is one of the oldest and simplest processes we can do. All we have to do is to sit or lie quietly, close our eyes, and take a few deep breaths. The body will automatically relax; we don’t have to do anything to force it. We can repeat the words “healing” or “peace” or “love” or anything that is meaningful to us. We could even say, “I love myself”. We can ask silently, “What is it I need to know?” Or “I am willing to learn”. Then just be there quietly.

4. What is important is to meditate on a regular basis. The practice of meditation is cumulative: the more regularly you do it, the more your body and mind responds to the benefits of relaxation, and the quicker you may get your answers. If you are new to meditation, I would suggest that you begin with only five minutes at a time. Five minutes once or twice a day is a good beginning. If you can do it at the same time every day, the body begins to look forward to it. Meditation gives you small periods of rest that are beneficial to the healing of your emotions and body.

5. You see, we all have tremendous wisdom within us. Inside of us lie all the answers to all the questions we shall ever ask. You have no idea how wise you are. You can take care of yourself. You do have the answers you need. Get connected. You will feel safer and more powerful.

CLOSING TREATMENT

The past is over and done. It has gone back to the nothingness from whence it came. I am free. I have a new sense of pride and self-worth. I am confident in my abilities to love and support myself. I have learned that I am capable of positive growth and change. I am strong. I am united with all of life. I am one with the Universal power and intelligence. Divine wisdom leads me and guides me every step of the way. I am safe and secure as I move forward to my highest good. I do this with ease and with joy. I am a new person, living in a world of my choosing. I am deeply grateful jar all that I have and jar all that I am. I am blessed and prosperous in every way. All is well in my world.

LOVE YOURSELF, HEAL YOUR LIFE

LOUISE HAY