CHAPTER 8: THEY DON'T PUT OTHERS DOWN TO LIFT THEMSELVES UP
(Be the woman who fixes another woman’s l crown without telling the world it was crooked—Unknown)
1. Putting others down in an “adult” fashion is called relational aggression in clinical terms. It refers to rumor-mongering, sabotage, exclusion, public ridicule, and gossip. I suspect most people would say they don’t do those things. But the sad truth is that a lot of people do. Modern-day society isn’t exactly conducive to cheering one another on and pointing out one another’s strong suits. Instead, we seem to love tearing each other down.
2. We used to tell kids to say, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.” But clearly, that isn’t true. The way people speak to one another—and act toward each other—has the potential to do a lot of damage. We’ve woken up to the idea that bullying has a major impact on other people’s lives—their psychological well being, their health, and their experiences in life. When we think of bullies, we tend to refer to the mean kid on the playground. But bullies come in all forms, and the worst kind of bully is the one who pretends to be your friend.
3. Not every person that is unkind to each other is morally bankrupt or mentally ill, as we assume trolls are. Hurt people will hurt people.” People who feel small or insignificant feel powerful when they hurt other people. And the internet can be an easy way for people to get swept up into treating others with disrespect. Putting others down isn’t always about things that you do sometimes it’s the things you don’t do as well. Perhaps you exclude a coworker you don’t like, or maybe you offer a backhanded compliment to a friend when you’re feeling a little jealous. Those things can be hurtful too.
4. When you’re tempted to put others down, ask yourself a few questions:
• What am I feeling?
Are you feeling jealous? Do you feel anxious? Are you angry? Take a minute to really understand the emotions driving your temptation to be insensitive or spiteful.
• What am I trying to accomplish?
Do you hope the other person will feel bad? Do you want to harm someone’s reputation? Are you hoping other people will side with you? Consider what you hope to gain by putting someone down.
• What does this say about me?
Do you feel threatened by someone else’s success? Do you have low self-esteem? Are you struggling to deal with personality differences in a healthy way? It can be a difficult question to answer, but it’s very important to help you learn more about yourself.
5. When you are struggling to feel good about yourself, you’ll be tempted to put others down to gain a temporary boost in status. But the more you put others down, the worse you’ll feel. It’s a vicious cycle. Examine how you’re measuring your worth as a person. If you’ve built your self-worth on an unhealthy foundation, you will be more likely to put others down.
6. Here are five common but unhealthy things that shouldn’t dictate your self-worth:
A. Your appearance
Since there will always be women who look more attractive than you, basing your self-worth on your looks may compel you to point out others’ flaws to temporarily feel better about yourself.
B. Your net worth
You’ll never feel like you have enough to be content, because there’s always going to be someone who has something that you want.
C. Who you know
Depending on other people to make you feel good is like chasing a moving target.
D. What you do
For many, a job isn’t what they do—it’s who they are. Their career reinforces to them that they’re “somebody,” but an economic downturn, an unexpected shift in the job market, a major health problem, or even a planned retirement will destroy your self-worth if your identity is wrapped up in your job title.
E. What you achieve
Sometimes people want to be known solely for their achievements. You’ll need to experience constant success to feel good about yourself—and that means you’ll likely avoid doing things where you could fail.
7. Instead of chasing things that temporarily boost your self-esteem, measure your self worth by who you are at your core. Behave according to your values and create a life of meaning and purpose. Then you’ll be less threatened by those around you.
8. So what if instead of telling yourself, “She’s annoying,” you reframed your thoughts? You might think, “She talks more than I do,” or “She enjoys being the center of attention.” It’s OK to acknowledge, “I feel annoyed by those things,” but it doesn’t mean someone is an annoying person. Perhaps it means you have a low tolerance for people with certain characteristics. Or maybe it means you simply have different personalities. Stick to the facts without the judgment.
9. The people you are most tempted to put down may have the most to teach you about life. The person who annoys you most might be able to teach patience. Or that coworker who is really tough on you might be able to help you learn how to speak up for yourself in an assertive manner. There are lessons to be learned everywhere in life, and figuring out how to treat others with kindness, even when we don’t feel like it, is a skill.
10. Deciding that you’re not going to put people down doesn’t mean you have to tolerate unhealthy behavior. It’s important to set limits with people who aren’t good for you. That may mean physically distancing yourself or speaking up for yourself. But you can do all that without blaming the other person or putting them down. Use “I” messages to communicate your intentions. Instead of saying, “You’re a jerk,” say, “I’m feeling disrespected.” That small change in the way you communicate can make a big difference in how effective you’ll be in creating change.
What’s Helpful:
• Recognizing when you’re tempted to put someone down
• Uncovering the thoughts and feelings behind your desire to lash out
• Building your self-worth on who you are at your core, not factors you can’t control
• Reframing the thoughts you have about other people to acknowledge that it’s your opinion, not a fact
• Proactively building other people up
What’s Not Helpful:
• Lashing out when you feel threatened by someone else’s success
• Separating yourself from other women to gain a competitive edge
• Pointing out other people’s flaws to ensure that they see them
• Venting or complaining because you think you are reducing your stress
• Convincing yourself you are “warning” others when you speak ill of someone
CHAPTER 9: THEY DON'T LET OTHERS LIMIT THEIR POTENTIAL
(No one can make you feel inferior without your consent—Eleanor Roosevelt)
1. There are some obvious ways someone l might limit your potential—like giving up when someone says you won’t succeed. But there are also subtler ways you might be allowing other people to hold you back from becoming your best self. Do any of the following points describe you?
• If I get rejected, I’m not likely to try again
• I believe the criticism I hear about myself, regardless of the source
• When someone discourages me from doing something, I don’t do it
• While I might live up to other people’s expectations, I don’t exceed them
• I feel like I’ve fallen into specific roles and it’s hard to break free
2. Criticism is another person’s opinion—it doesn’t make it fact. Listening to someone else’s opinion can provide you with valuable information that could help you improve. But automatically believing negative feedback might also stop you in your tracks. Some of people may become very vocal about how much they dislike your products or services—especially on review sites or in comment sections online. But that doesn’t mean you are bad at what you do. It just means someone wasn’t a fan.
3. Reaching your greatest potential doesn’t mean you need to earn more money, accept a more prestigious position, or accomplish more. In some cases, it may mean passing up a promotion so you can spend more time with your kids. Or it may mean accepting a career that is less lucrative yet provides a service that helps you feel more fulfilled. Only you can really know if you’re reaching your greatest potential. But if you’re not careful, it’s easy to let others hold you back from becoming your best.
4. You can’t go back in time and change the choices you made. If you allowed someone to limit your potential in the past, you might not be able to chase those dreams you gave up. But you can move forward with confidence that you’re going to create the type of life you want to live.
5. The things you learned about yourself, other people, and the world as a child shaped the person you became as an adult. That’s not to say you need to go back and “remold your inner child” or anything too hokey like that. But it can be helpful to think about some of the lessons you learned as a child that affected how you viewed yourself and what you were capable of becoming.
6. Start paying attention to your self-talk. Identifying the unhealthy thinking patterns you’ve developed is the first step in changing the way you think. Psychologists refer to maladaptive and irrational thoughts as cognitive distortions. And while there are many types of cognitive distortions, here are the thinking errors that are most likely to let others limit your potential:
A. All-or-Nothing Thinking
In reality, you aren’t a total success or a complete failure at anything. You have skills, talents, and abilities that lie somewhere in between.
B. Overgeneralizing
It involves taking a specific situation and
applying it to the bigger picture of your life.
C. Filtering Out the Positive
It can be tempting to dwell on the negative and ignore the positive.
D. Mind-Reading
You never know what someone else is actually thinking. But you likely guess and believing that you know what others think affects your relationships and the choices you make.
E. Catastrophizing
Imagining worst-case scenarios and exaggerating your misfortune can prevent you from taking positive action.
F. Fortune-telling
Although you never know what might happen in the future, you might waste a lot of energy predicting what you think will happen. In fact, those types of thoughts can turn into self-fulfilling prophecies.
G. Personalization
As easy as it is to say you know the world doesn’t revolve around you, it can be easy to personalize everything. Thinking other people’s choices are somehow related to you will affect your behavior.
7. It can be easy to ignore criticism or unwanted advice from strangers. But when it comes from friends, coworkers, or family members, you may need to set some clear boundaries. Here are some things you might try:
• Express the pain
• Acknowledge what you heard
• Make it clear you aren’t interested
8. Your goal shouldn’t be to avoid all criticism. Although it can be uncomfortable to hear, criticism can be key to helping you improve and get better. And your supervisors are the ones who can tell you what you need to do better to improve your performance at work.
9. Not everyone will want you to succeed in life. Even some of your so-called friends and family members may try to talk you out of bettering yourself. There could be lots of reasons for that. You doing awesome things might be threatening to them—what if you outgrow them? Or your success might remind them of their lack of success. There’s also the possibility that they’re truly worried about your well-being. So it’s important to consider their comments, but you aren’t obligated to do as they please. Set healthy boundaries that will keep them from holding you back or dragging you down.
10. It’s important to have supportive people on your side in life. But not everyone will back your efforts—and that’s OK. You can choose to put in your best effort when someone is trying to limit your potential. No matter how successful you are, you might never gain their approval. So make it a priority to work on your goals for yourself, not to try to gain status with anyone else. Also, don’t blame anyone for holding you back. You’re in control of the type of life you create. So even if other people have hurt you, you have the power to move forward and live your best life.
What’s Helpful:
• Examining the self-limiting beliefs you may have accepted as truth
• Recognizing thinking errors
• Working toward your goals despite other people’s doubt
• Establishing clear boundaries
• Seeking helpful feedback
What’s Not Helpful:
• Giving up because you were rejected
• Living up to your labels
• Staying stuck in unhealthy thinking patterns
• Letting other people’s doubt prevent you from trying
• Allowing unwanted advice to hold you back
CHAPTER 10: THEY DON'T BLAME THEMSELVES WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG
(Don’t be too hard on yourself. There are plenty of people willing to do that for you—Susan Gale)
1. There’s a big difference between accepting appropriate responsibility and engaging in toxic self-blame. One of the reasons women feel excessive guilt could be because of all the victim-blaming we tend to do.
2. Excessive guilt has been linked to a variety of problems—low self-esteem, a desire to please people, attempts to avoid criticism, and a fear of looking entitled. Excessive guilt is also a symptom of depression. Researchers know guilt and depression play off of one another. The guiltier you are, the worse you feel. Research has also linked self-blame to shame, self-disgust, self-loathing, eating disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder.
3. Self-blame also decreases your empathy for others. If you hold yourself 100 percent responsible for everything that goes on in life, you’ll hold other people completely responsible as well. You’ll feel less compassion for someone who is going through a tough time or someone who is struggling financially, because you’ll think it’s their fault or they should be able to cope better. And that lack of self-compassion can take a toll on your relationships.
4. Blaming yourself for things you can’t control, like how other people behave or the entire outcome of a project you’re involved in, will cause you to run out of steam and burn out. Self-blame prevents you from changing the environment. It keeps you focused on trying to fix yourself, even when there’s nothing within you that needs to be fixed.
5. Self-blame and trauma often go hand in hand. And quite often, women don’t just blame their behavior, they blame their character. They believe things like “I was assaulted because I’m reckless” or “I was abused because I’m worthless.” It’s tough to challenge those beliefs that are so deeply rooted from trauma.
6. The events in your life don’t cause stress. It’s your reaction to those events that determines whether you grow from them or you’re distressed by them. And part of that reaction involves the story you tell yourself about your accountability. So it’s important to take a step back and separate fact from fiction. Doing so will help you accept the appropriate amount of responsibility for your actions. Here are a few questions to ask yourself:
• Do I blame my behavior or my character?
• What’s the percentage of responsibility I bear?
• How might my hindsight bias affect my self-blame?
• Is there a core belief I’m protecting?
• What would I say to a friend who told me this?
7. When thinking about how responsible you are for a situation, a problem, or an issue, keep these truths in mind:
~You can influence others but you are not responsible for their choices
~You have no way of knowing how things would have turned out if you had done things differently
~You made your choices based on the information you had then (not the information you have now).
8. Self-blame isn’t always imagined or exaggerated. Sometimes, it’s appropriate. If you are responsible for hurting someone, apologize. Apologizing is hard to do. It takes courage to say “I’m sorry.” But accepting responsibility and asking for forgiveness can repair your relationships and help you avoid making the same mistake again. The apologies that were most effective in repairing the relationship contained the following components:
a. Expression of regret
b. Explanation of what went wrong
c. Acknowledgment of responsibility
d. Declaration of repentance
e. Offer of repair
f. Request for forgiveness
9. Being mentally strong isn’t about toughing it out in situations that drain your energy. Instead, it’s important to create a life that helps you flourish. So while sometimes it’s important to work on changing yourself, at other times it’s important to change your environment.
10. While some women blame themselves too much, it’s also possible to be too forgiving of yourself. Denying the pain you’ve caused others or minimizing the impact your mistakes have made won’t help you to do better in the future. It’s important to balance self-forgiveness with responsibility-taking.
What’s Helpful:
• Asking questions that help you establish a more realistic view of your level of responsibility
• Changing the story you tell yourself when you experience excessive self-blame
• Asking for forgiveness when you’ve made a mistake
• Making reparations when you have hurt others
• Gaining social support to help you deal with excessive guilt
What’s Not Helpful:
• Engaging in grueling self-punishment
• Forgiving yourself too quickly for hurting others
• Feeling responsible for other people’s feelings and actions
• Believing you are a bad person as opposed to thinking you made a bad choice
CHAPTER 11: THEY DON'T STAY SILENT
(We realize the importance of our voice when we are silenced—Malala Yousafzai)
1. We’ve all had times when we didn’t speak up about something that was wrong. But it’s not just silence about inappropriate behavior that’s a problem. Many women aren’t sharing their opinions and ideas at work, in their relationship, or in their everyday conversation. Do you answer affirmatively to any of the following points?
• I avoid sharing my ideas because I think other people won’t value my opinion
• In group settings, I let other people take the lead in the conversation
• I often don’t speak up because I don’t want to create conflict
• I am ashamed to tell anyone when I’m victimized
• I want to speak up for other people whose rights are violated, but I often don’t say or do anything
• I harbor deep secrets
• When I feel uncomfortable about the comments someone makes, I stay silent
• I stay silent because I don’t want other people to get in trouble
• I am too afraid of what people will think or say about me to speak up
• I worry that speaking up about things that cause me discomfort will cause others to think I’m too sensitive
2. There are many reasons why victims stay silent. Here are the most common:
a. Victims usually know the assailant
b. Fear of retaliation
c. The legal process can be humiliating
d. Victims aren’t always believed
e. Victims undergo a character assassination
f. First-mover disadvantage
g. Authorities aren’t always helpful
h. Victims blame themselves
i. Victims don’t want to believe it
j. They don’t know who to tell
3. Silence allows problems to continue. It gives perpetrators the ability to keep doing what they’re doing. Staying silent also drains your mental strength. Hiding your secrets, denying your opinions, and burying your ideas takes extra effort. And you won’t be able to put that energy into something more productive when you’re busy silencing yourself.
4. Harboring deep secrets forever does have consequences. Keeping your story to yourself because you are ashamed or embarrassed will drain your mental strength. It’s important to tell someone what happened to you so you don’t have to carry that burden around all by yourself forever. Even if you decide not to go to the authorities or you decide not to confront the person directly (which might not be safe), that doesn’t mean you can’t talk about it. Tell your physician. Talk to a therapist. Confide in a friend. Call a national hotline. Join a support group. Just tell someone.
5. There are some compelling reasons why you might want to speak up to friends, family, a partner, or colleagues as well:
~To gain moral support
~To spread awareness
~To explain your behavior
6. Starting conversations and inviting others to talk to you is a great way to help other women find their voices. It can also help you find your own. Here are some things to keep in mind if you are talking about tough subjects, such as being a victim of sexual assault or domestic violence:
- Listen. Let her tell her story without any interruptions. Avoid comparing your experiences to hers and don’t give her advice about what she should do.
- Assure her it’s not her fault. No matter what happened, assure her that she didn’t do anything wrong.
- Respect her feelings. Whether she’s angry, embarrassed, scared, or depressed, validate her. Avoid saying, “You shouldn’t be embarrassed.” Say, “That’s understandable.”
- Offer resources. Advise her to contact her
physician, a mental health professional, or an organization that serves women. Offer to help her schedule an appointment, or assist her in getting there.
7. Your voice is powerful. Using it to speak up for yourself or speak out against something can make a big difference in the world. And it can also make a difference for you. Staying silent will exhaust you. The more you speak up and share your voice, the more mental strength you’ll have to devote toward other things.
What’s Helpful:
• Acknowledging when you’ve been victimized or discriminated against
• Telling someone about your experiences
• Speaking up for women who aren’t able to speak up for themselves
• Inviting others to share their experiences with you
• Establishing clear guidelines that prevent sexism in your home
• Doing your part to ensure your voice is heard
What’s Not Helpful:
• Assuming discrimination would never happen to you
• Allowing others to make sexist remarks in your presence without speaking up
• Staying passive about sexual harassment
• Being a silent bystander when another woman’s rights are violated
• Keeping your experiences secret
CHAPTER 12: THEY DON'T FEEL BAD ABOUT REINVENTING THEMSELVES
(If you don’t like the road you’re walking, start paving another one—Dolly Parton)
1. Reinventing yourself every now and then is a great way to make sure you’re learning, growing, and adapting to the changes of life. But changing something about yourself can be scary—even when you think you’re changing for the better. Do any of these statements describe you?
• I get so caught up in day-to-day life that I don’t take a look at the bigger picture to see if I’m living the type of life I want to create
• I fear what other people would think if I made any major changes in my life
• I figure if I haven’t become the person I want to be yet, there’s no hope that it will ever happen
• I don’t have the energy or motivation to create positive change in my life
2. Reinventing yourself doesn’t mean you have to transform everything about your life. It might involve making a few simple but effective changes that enhance the quality of your life—or someone else’s. Here are just a few ways you might reinvent yourself:
• Change a habit
• Embrace spirituality
• Get a new job
• Meet new people
• Develop a hobby
• Change something about your appearance
• Shift your attitude
• Realign your priorities
• Learn a new skill
3. When your values shift, your life should shift too. The things you prioritized in one phase of your life might not be a priority in the next phase of life. Reinventing yourself might simply reflect those changes. So whether you’ve gone through some major changes over the years or your life has been relatively stable, your personality has likely changed. Acknowledging and honoring that can help you get the most out of your life. And quite often, that means reinventing yourself.
4. If you’re thinking of reinventing yourself, you may have to face a few fears as well. And while there’s no guarantee that reinventing yourself will lead to more happiness, better health, or more satisfaction with life, it will at least give you a learning experience.
5. Make it a habit to check in with yourself on a monthly basis. Consider what habits you want to change or goals you want to set. To help you identify the changes you’d like to create, ask yourself the following questions:
~What does the person I want to be look like?
Take a minute to imagine what a healthy or happy person might be doing with their life.
~ What are some steps I can start taking right now to become more like that person? Identify the steps you could take to become more like the person you want to be.
~ What do I need to give up to reach my goals?
Everything you gain comes with some sort of price. It’s important to label the sacrifice you’re willing to make.
~ How will I know if I’m on the right track?
Whether you’ll look different, act different, or feel different, identify the signs that
will indicate you’re headed in the right direction.
6. Changing yourself—even when it’s something you really want—is difficult. Motivation comes and goes, obstacles always crop up, and old habits die hard. Acknowledge the fears that threaten to sabotage your progress and your chances of success. Quite often, we avoid things because we don’t want to feel afraid. But when you stop and think about it, most bad outcomes aren’t all that bad. Failing, embarrassing yourself, or making things worse might be better than the regret of never having tried.
7. Asking, “If you woke up tomorrow and a miracle had occurred, how would you know things were better?” is a solution-focused therapy technique. Imagine what your life would be like if things changed for the better. How would you know things were better? What would you be doing differently? Then, go do those things.
8. You don’t necessarily have to go back to school to gain a new education or learn a l whole new skill set. You might be able to take the knowledge and tools you have now and reinvent yourself with a career shift. And you don’t always have to plan what you’re going to do next. Just stay flexible and open to new opportunities as they present themselves.
What’s Helpful:
• Taking a step back to examine whether you’re living according to your values
• Identifying changes you want to make to be more like the person you want to become
• Acknowledging what gets in the way of reinventing yourself
• Thinking about ways you could use your current skill set to do something different
• Recognizing how your personality may have changed over time
What’s Not Helpful:
• Getting stuck in a rut that prevents you from doing things differently
• Assuming the grass is always greener on the other side
• Refusing to change because it feels too hard
• Thinking you have to stay the same to be authentic
• Waiting until you feel like changing before
changing your behavior
CHAPTER 13: THEY DON'T DOWNPLAY THEIR SUCCESS
(Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure—Marianne Williamson)
1. While it’s no secret that failure is uncomfortable, success can also create a surprising amount of turmoil for many women. Whether you just can’t internalize your success, or you fear looking like a narcissist, it can be difficult to own your success.
2. Difficulty accepting compliments isn’t always about the desire to appear humble. For many women, hearing a compliment causes them to feel distress. Here are three reasons compliments make women cringe:
a. Low self-esteem
It can feel embarrassing, awkward, and even insincere to hear nice things if you secretly don’t like yourself.
b. Incongruent self-image
If the things someone says about you don’t match up to the way you see yourself, they create what’s known in the psychology world as cognitive dissonance.
c. Discomfort with big expectations
The higher the expectation, the more uncomfortable you’ll feel.
3. The more successful you become, the more you might feel like an imposter. Here are some ways imposter syndrome can hold you back:
~You’ll convince yourself you’re not good enough
~You’ll sabotage yourself
~You’ll work really hard
~You won’t advance in your career
4. Some women think they need to minimize their success to help others feel comfortable. But shrinking yourself to help others feel big isn’t effective. If you feel like your success offends others, something is wrong. Your relationship might be broken, your self-worth might be damaged, or you may have some past hurts that are unhealed. Minimizing yourself won’t solve those problems.
5. If you want someone else to believe in you, you need to believe in yourself. You have to be able to show that you are capable and competent. You can’t do that if you’re always questioning your skills or telling yourself that you’re not good enough.
6. There are two main reasons women downplay their success: they don’t feel deserving of their success and they don’t want to make other people feel bad. Acknowledge the times when you struggle to own your success. Examples might include:
*Not telling anyone about your latest achievement
*Insisting your success was a fluke
*Keeping your ambitions to yourself
7. Telling someone about your success might inspire that individual to do the same, or it could give them knowledge that will help them. Here’s how you can own your success without sounding arrogant:
• Express gratitude for your success
• Avoid the qualifier
• Skip the humblebrag
• Emphasize your effort
• Stick to the facts
8. If you’ve gotten into the habit of refusing compliments, practice accepting them. Receiving kind words about yourself isn’t arrogant. You’re showing respect for the other person’s thoughts. And you’re showing that you’re confident enough in yourself that you can listen to someone else’s opinion. When you are able to own your success, listening to compliments—as well as critiques—becomes easier because you’ll be sure of who you are.
9. Mentoring someone could remind you how much you’ve learned along the way. Offer to help newer professionals navigate their careers and you’ll be reminded of how far you’ve come since you first started out. Look for other opportunities to share your knowledge. Start a blog, write a book, or teach a workshop. But do something that will help you recognize that you have expertise, knowledge, and skills that give you a right to own your success.
10. Before you post your success story to social media, or before you share your latest achievement with your friends, consider your goal. Are you hoping to inspire others to reach their goals? Or are you looking for praise and admiration?
What’s Helpful:
• Recognizing when you’re downplaying your success
• Talking about your achievement in a realistic manner
• Saying “thank you” when you are given a compliment
• Listing your achievements to remind yourself that you’re worthy of success
• Mentoring, teaching, and training other people
What’s Not Helpful:
• Confusing arrogance with owning your success
• Flaunting your achievement
• Minimizing yourself to try to help others feel important
• Refusing compliments
CONCLUSIONS:
1. Pay close attention to your habits to ensure you aren’t falling into the trap of doing any of the things mentally strong women don’t do. Perform regular mental strength exercises, and push yourself to build your mental strength. Monitor your:
~Thoughts—Training your brain to think differently takes consistent practice. With practice, however, you’ll become better equipped to respond to those negative voices that run through your head in a more productive manner.
~Feelings—Becoming more aware of how you’re feeling—and gaining the skills to cope with those emotions in a healthy way—takes persistence. But with practice, you’ll find the courage to break a few rules that might be holding you back or let go of the self-blame that prevents you from feeling your best.
~Behavior—Whether you stay silent, stay stagnant, or stay stuck, unhealthy behavior patterns can be hard to change. But the stronger you become, the better able you’ll be to recognize those unhealthy cycles you get into. And you’ll be able to create the positive changes you need to become better.
2. Mental strength isn’t something that either you have or you don’t. It’s something you build over time, and it’s something that you need to keep working on developing. Mental muscles are like physical muscles—you have to exercise to keep them strong.
3. Being kinder to yourself can be a sign of increased mental muscle. Here are the benefits you’ll gain from building mental muscle:
• Increased resilience to stress—Building mental strength buffers against those harmful effects of stress.
• Improved life satisfaction—As your mental strength increases, your confidence in your ability to deal with whatever life throws your way will soar. You’ll have peace of mind that will help you find more enjoyment in everyday life.
• Enhanced performance—Whether your goal is to be a better parent or you want to conquer your fears, mental strength will help you perform at your peak.
4. Mental strength takes dedication and practice to become stronger. Building mental strength is more of a journey than a destination. There will be times you’ll make mistakes and times when you’ll make bad choices. But there will also be times when you’ll prove to yourself that you’re stronger than you imagined.
13 THINGS MENTALLY STRONG WOMEN DON'T DO
Amy Morin
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