ELEVEN: WHEN MOURNING COMES
(The burden of grief)
"Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death" (Psalm 23:4 NKJV)
1. You know that the black bag of sorrow is hard to bear. It’s hard to bear because not everyone understands your grief. They did at first. They did at the funeral. They did at the graveside. But they don’t now; they don’t understand. Grief lingers.
2. Why won't the sorrow leave you alone?Because you buried more than a person. You buried some of yourself. Wasn’t it John Donne who said, “Any man’s death diminishes me”? It’s as if the human race resides on a huge trampoline. The movements of one can be felt by all. And the closer the relationship, the more profound the exit. When someone you love dies, it affects you. It affects your dreams.
Why does grief linger? Because you are dealing with more than memories—you are dealing with unlived tomorrows. You’re not just battling sorrow—you’re battling disappointment. You’re also battling anger.
3. Anger lives in sorrow’s house. Anger at self. Anger at life. Anger at the military or the hospital or the highway system. But most of all, anger at God. Anger that takes the form of the three-letter question—why? Why him? Why her? Why now? Why us? You and I both know I can’t answer that question. Only God knows the reasons behind His actions. But here is a key truth on which we can stand. Our God is a good God.
“You are good, Lord. The Lord is good and right” (Ps. 25:7-8).
“Taste and see that the Lord is good” (Ps. 34:8 NIV).
God is a good God. We must begin here. Though we don’t understand His actions, we can trust His heart.
4. How could death be good? Part of the answer may be found in Isaiah 57:1-2: “Good people are taken away, but no one understands. Those who do right are being taken away from evil and are given peace. Those who live as God wants find rest in death.” Death is God’s way of taking people away from evil. From what kind of evil? An extended disease? An addiction? A dark season of rebellion? We don’t know. But we know that no person lives one day more or less than God intends. “All the days planned for me were written in your book before I was one day old” (Ps. 139:16).
5. In God's plan every life is long enough and every death is timely. And though you and I might wish for a longer life, God knows better. And—this is important—though you and I may wish a longer life for our loved ones, they don’t. Ironically, the first to accept God’s decision of death is the one who dies. While we are shaking heads in disbelief, they are lifting hands in worship. While we are mourning at a grave, they are marveling at heaven. While we are questioning God, they are praising God.
6. But, what of those who die with no faith? What about the one who never believed? How do we know he didn't? Who among us is privy to a person's final thoughts? Who among us knows what transpires in those final moments? Are you sure no prayer was offered? Eternity can bend the proudest knees. Could a person stare into the yawning canyon of death without whispering a plea for mercy? And could our God, who is partial to the humble, resist it?
7. We don’t know the final thoughts of a dying soul, but we know this. We know our God is a good God. He is “not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance” (2 Pet. 3:9 NKJV). He wants your loved one in heaven more than you do. And He usually gets what He wants.
You know what else God wants? He wants you to face your sorrow. Denial and dismissal are not a part of God’s grief therapy.
8. Death was not soft-pedaled or passed over. Face it, fight it, question it, or condemn it, but don’t deny it. As his son Solomon explained, “There is a time to mourn” (Eccles. 3:1,4 NIV). Don’t heed, but do forgive, those who urge you not to. God will lead you through, not around, the valley of the shadow of death. And, by the way, aren’t you glad it’s just a shadow?
We face death, but thanks to Jesus, we only face its shadow. And thanks to Jesus, we believe that our loved ones are happy and that the little Carloses of the world are dancing as never before.
TWELVE: FROM PANIC TO PEACE
(The burden of fear)
"I will fear no evil" (Psalm 23:4 NKJV)
Then Jesus went about a stone’s throw away from them. He kneeled down and prayed, “Father, if you are willing, take away this cup of suffering. But do what you want, not what I want.” Then an angel from heaven appeared to Him to strengthen Him. Being full of pain, Jesus prayed even harder. His sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground (Luke 22:39-44).
1. What do we do with this image of Jesus?Simple. We turn to it when we look the same. We read it when we feel the same; we read it when we feel afraid. For isn’t it likely that fear is one of the emotions Jesus felt? One might even argue that fear was the primary emotion. He saw something in the future so fierce, so foreboding that he begged for a change of plans. “Father, if you are willing, take away this cup of suffering” (Luke 22:42). The source of your fear may seem small to others. But to you, it freezes your feet, makes your heart pound, and brings blood to your face. That’s what happened to Jesus.
2. How remarkable that Jesus felt such fear. But how kind that He told us about it. We tend to do the opposite. Gloss over our fears. Cover them up. Keep our sweaty palms in our pockets, our nausea and dry mouths a secret. Not so with Jesus. We see no mask of strength. But we do hear a request for strength. “Father, if you are willing, take away this cup of suffering.” The first one to hear His fear is His Father.
3. A millennium earlier David was urging the fear-filled to do the same. “I will fear no evil.” How could David make such a claim?Because he knew where to look. “You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.” Rather than turn to the other sheep, David turned to the Shepherd. Rather than stare at the problems, he stared at the rod and staff. Because he knew where to look, David was able to say, “I will fear no evil.”
Rather than focus on the fear, focus on the solution. That’s what Jesus did. That’s what David did.
And that’s what the writer of Hebrews urges us to do. “Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith” (Heb. 12:1-2 NKJV).
4. How did Jesus endure the terror of the crucifixion? He went first to the Father with His fears. He modeled the words of Psalm 56:3: “When I am afraid, I put my trust in You” (NLT). Do the same with yours. Don’t avoid life’s Gardens of Gethsemane. Enter them. Just don’t enter them alone. And while there, be honest. Pounding the ground is permitted. Tears are allowed. And if you sweat blood, you won’t be the first. Do what Jesus did; open your heart.
5. And be specific. Jesus was. “Take this cup,” he prayed. Give God the number of the flight. Tell Him the length of the speech. Share the details of the job transfer. He has plenty of time. He also has plenty of compassion. He doesn't think your fears are foolish or silly. He won't tell you to “buck up” or “get tough.” He’s been where you are. He knows how you feel.
6. And He knows what you need. That’s why we punctuate our prayers as Jesus did. “If you are willing“. Was God willing? Yes and no. He didn’t take away the cross, but He took the fear. God didn't still the storm, but He calmed the sailor. Who’s to say He won’t do the same for you?
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God” (Phil. 4:6 NIV).
7. Don’t measure the size of the mountain; talk to the One who can move it. Instead of carrying the world on your shoulders, talk to the One who holds the universe on his. Hope is a look away. Now, what were you looking at?
THIRTEEN: SILENT NIGHTS AND SOLITARY DAYS
(The burden of loneliness)
"You are with me" (Psalm 23:4 NKJV)
1. Could anyone be that lonely? It seems that David was. Some of his psalms have the feel of a lone oak on a winter prairie. He wrote: "Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted" (Ps. 25:16 NIV). "I’m tired of all this—so tired. My bed has been floating forty days and nights. On the flood of my tears. My mattress is soaked, soggy with tears. The sockets of my eyes are black holes; Nearly blind, I squint and grope" (Ps. 6:6-7 MSG). David knew what it feels like to be lonely ... betrayed.
If loneliness could be cured by the presence of people, then surely there would be less loneliness today. But loneliness lingers.
Loneliness is not the absence of faces. It is the absence of intimacy. Loneliness doesn’t come from being alone; it comes from feeling alone. Feeling as if you are
facing death alone,
facing disease alone,
facing the future alone.
2. We’ll try anything to unload our loneliness. This is one bag we want to drop quickly. But should we? Should we be so quick to drop it? Rather than turn from loneliness, what if we turned toward it? Could it be that loneliness is not a curse but a gift? A gift from God?
I wonder if loneliness is God’s way of getting our attention
3. Oh, how God wants you to hear His music. He has a rhythm that will race your heart and lyrics that will stir your tears. You want to journey to the stars? He can take you there. You want to lie down in peace? His music can soothe your soul.
A friend turns away. The job goes bad. Your spouse doesn’t understand. The church is dull. One by one He removes the options until all you have left is God.
4. He would do that? Absolutely. “The Lord disciplines those He loves” (Heb.12:6). If He must silence every voice, He will. He wants you to hear His music. He wants you to discover what David discovered and to be able to say what David said. “You are with me”.
5. The discovery of David is indeed the message of Scripture—the Lord is with us. And, since the Lord is near, everything is different. Everything!
He is with you. And because He is, everything is different. You are different. God changes your n into a v. You go from lonely to lovely.
When you know God loves you, you won’t be desperate for the love of others.
6. But all that changes when we discover God’s perfect love. And “perfect love casts out fear” (1 John 4:18 NKJV). Loneliness. Could it be one of God’s finest gifts? If a season of solitude is His way to teach you to hear His song, don’t you think it’s worth it?
FOURTEEN: THE CROWING ROOSTER AND ME
(The burden of shame)
"You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies" (Psalm 23:5 NKJV)
1. “Lord, I am ready to go with you to prison and even to die with you!” he pledged only hours earlier. “But Jesus said, ‘Peter, before the rooster crows this day, you will say three times that you don’t know me’” (Luke 22:33-34). Denying Christ on the night of his betrayal was bad enough, but did he have to boast that he wouldn’t? And one denial was pitiful, but three? Three denials were horrific, but did he have to curse? “Peter began to place a curse on himself and swear, ‘I don’t know the man’” (Matt. 26:74).
2. And the rooster crows, and conviction pierces, and Peter has a partner in the shadows. We weep as Peter wept, and we do what Peter did. We go fishing. We go back to our old lives. We return to our pre-Jesus practices. We do what comes naturally, rather than what comes spiritually. And we question whether Jesus has a place for folks like us.
3. Jesus answers that question. He answers it for you and me and all who tend to “Peter out” on Christ. His answer came on the shore of the sea in a gift to Peter. You know what Jesus did? Split the waters? No, Jesus did something much more meaningful. He invited Peter to breakfast. Jesus prepared a meal. The fish were sizzling, and the bread was waiting, and the defeater of hell and the ruler of heaven invited His friends to sit down and have a bite to eat. Peter was welcomed to the meal of Christ. Right there for the devil and His tempters to see, Jesus “prepared a table in the presence of His enemies”.
4. On the night before His death, Jesus prepared a table for His followers. On the first day of the Festival of Unleavened Bread, the day the lambs for the Passover meal were killed, Jesus' disciples asked him, “Where do you want us to go and get the Passover meal ready for you?” Then Jesus sent two of them with these instructions: “Go into the city, and a man carrying a jar of water will meet you. Follow him to the house he enters, and say to the owner of the house: ‘The Teacher says, Where is the room where my disciples and I will eat the Passover meal?' Then he will show you a large, upstairs room, fixed up and furnished, where you will get everything ready for us.” (Mark 14:12-15 TEV).
5. The Shepherd prepared the table. Not only that, He dealt with the snakes. You’ll remember that only one of the disciples didn't complete the meal that night. “The devil had already persuaded Judas Iscariot, the son of Simon, to turn against Jesus” (John 13:2). Judas started to eat, but Jesus didn’t let him finish. On the command of Jesus, Judas left the room. There is something dynamic in this dismissal. Jesus prepared a table in the presence of the enemy. Judas was allowed to see the supper, but he wasn’t allowed to stay there. You are not welcome here. This table is for my children. You may tempt them. You may trip them. But you will never sit with them. This is how much He loves us.
6. And if any doubt remains, lest there be any “Peters” who wonder if there is a place at the table for them, Jesus issues a tender reminder as He passes the cup. “Every one of you drink this. This is my blood which is the new agreement that God makes with His people. This blood is poured out for many to forgive their sins” (Matt. 26:27-28). “Every one of you drink this.” Those who feel unworthy, drink this. Those who feel ashamed, drink this. Those who feel embarrassed, drink this.
FIFTEEN: SLIPPERY SHEEP AND HEALED HURTS
(The burden of disappointment)
"You anoint my head with oil" (Psalm 23:5 NKJV)
1. A disappointment is a missed appointment. What we hoped would happen, didn’t. We wanted health; we got disease. We wanted retirement; we got reassignment. Divorce instead of family. Dismissal instead of promotion. Now what? What do we do with our disappointments?
2. We can follow the example of the apostle Paul. His goal was to be a missionary in Spain. Rather than send Paul to Spain, however, God sent him to prison. Sitting in a Roman jail, Paul said, “As long as I’m here, I might as well write a few letters.” Hence your Bible has the Epistles to Philemon, the Philippians, the Colossians, and the Ephesians. No doubt Paul would have done a great work in Spain. But would it have compared with the work of those four letters?
3. How did you handle it? Better asked, how are you handling it? Could you use some help? I’ve got just what you need. Six words in the fifth verse of the Twenty-third Psalm: “You anoint my head with oil”. Don't see the connection? What does a verse on oil have to do with the hurts that come from the disappointments of life? A little livestock lesson might help. In ancient Israel shepherds used oil for three purposes: to repel insects, to prevent conflicts, and to heal wounds.
4. Just like sheep, we have wounds, but ours are wounds of the heart that come from disappointment after disappointment. If we’re not careful, these wounds lead to bitterness. And so just like sheep, we need to be treated. “He made us, and we belong to Him; we are His people, the sheep He tends” (Ps. 100:3).
5. Sheep aren’t the only ones who need preventive care, and sheep aren’t the only ones who need a healing touch. We also get irritated with each other, butt heads, and then get wounded. Many of our disappointments in life begin as irritations. Like the sheep, you don’t sleep well, you don’t eat well. You may even hit your head against a tree a few times. Or you may hit your head against a person. It's amazing how hardheaded we can be with each other. Some of our deepest hurts come from butting heads with people.
So we, like the sheep, get wounded. And we, like the sheep, have a Shepherd.
If the Gospels teach us anything, they teach us that Jesus is a Good Shepherd. “I am the good Shepherd,” Jesus announces. “The good Shepherd gives His life for the sheep” (John 10:11).
6. Didn’t Jesus spread the oil of prevention on His disciples? He prayed for them. He equipped them before He sent them out. He revealed to them the secrets of the parables. He interrupted their arguments and calmed their fears. Because He was a good shepherd, He protected them against disappointments. Not only did Jesus prevent wounds, He healed them. He touched the eyes of the blind man. He touched the disease of the leper. He touched the body of the dead girl. Jesus tends to His sheep. He touched the searching heart of Nicodemus. He touched the open heart of Zacchaeus. He touched the broken heart of Mary Magdalene. He touched the confused heart of Cleopas. And He touched the stubborn heart of Paul and the repentant heart of Peter. Jesus tends to His sheep. And He will tend to you.
7. He will tend to you. If you will let Him. How? How do you let Him? The steps are so simple.
• Go to Him
David would trust his wounds to no other person but God. He said, “You anoint my head with oil.” Not, “your prophets,” “your teachers,” or “your counselors.” Others may guide us to God. Others may help us understand God. But no one does the work of God, for only God can heal. God “heals the brokenhearted” (Ps. 147:3).
Have you taken your disappointments to God? James says, “Anyone who is having troubles should pray” (James 5:13).
• Bow before God
In order to be anointed, the sheep must stand still, lower their heads, and let the shepherd do his work. Peter urges us to “be humble under God’s powerful hand so He will lift you up when the right time comes” (1 Pet. 5:6).
• Trust in Him
When we come to God, we make requests; we don’t make de-mands. We come with high hopes and a humble heart. We state what we want, but we pray for what is right. And if God gives us the prison of Rome instead of the mission of Spain, we accept it because we know “God will always give what is right to His people who cry to Him night and day, and He will not be slow to answer them” (Luke 18:7).
8. The sheep doesn’t understand why the oil repels the flies. The sheep doesn’t understand how the oil heals the wounds. In fact, all the sheep knows is that something happens in the presence of the shepherd. And that’s all we need to know as well. “Lord, I give myself to you; my God, I trust you” (Ps. 25:1-2).
Go.
Bow.
Trust.
Worth a try, don’t you think?
"My cup overflows with blessings" (Psalm 23:5 NLT)
The last thing we need to worry about is not having enough. Our cup overflows with blessings.
"Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life" (Psalm 23:6 NKJV)
God is the God who follows. I wonder, have you sensed Him following you? We often miss Him. We don’t know our Helper when He is near. But He comes.
"I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever" (Psalm 23:6 NKJV)
God has “set eternity in the hearts of men” (Eccles. 3:11 niv). Down deep you know you are not home yet.
Aging is God’s idea. It’s one of the ways he keeps us headed homeward. We can’t change the process, but we can change our attitude. Here is a thought. What if we looked at the aging body as we look at the growth of a tulip?
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