April 1, 2014

CAST OF CHARACTERS PART 2 (MAX LUCADO)

CHAPTER 13: JOSEPH
(WHEN CRICKETS MAKE YOU CRANKY)
{Gen. 37:18-24,28; 50:15-20}
1. Anger. This morning it’s easy to define: the noise of the soul. Anger. The unseen irritant of the heart. Anger. The relentless invader of silence. Just like the cricket, anger irritates. Just like the cricket, anger isn’t easily silenced. Just like the cricket, anger has a way of increasing in volume until it’s the only sound we hear. The louder it gets the more desperate we become.
2. When we are mistreated, our animalistic response is to go on the hunt. Instinctively, we double up our fists. Getting even is only natural. Which, incidentally, is precisely the problem. Revenge is natural, not spiritual. Getting even is the rule of the jungle. Giving grace is the rule of the kingdom.
Yesterday you can’t alter, but your reaction to yesterday you can. The past you cannot change, but your response to your past you can.
Revenge is within Joseph’s power. And there is power in revenge. Intoxicating power. Haven’t we tasted it? Haven’t we been tempted to get even?
3. For you, I have this question: Who made you God? I don’t mean to be cocky, but why are you doing His work for Him?
“Vengeance is Mine,” God declared. “I will repay” (Heb. 10:30 NKJV).
“Don’t say, ‘I’ll pay you back for the wrong you did.’ Wait for the Lord, and He will make things right” (Prov. 20:22).
Judgment is God’s job. To assume otherwise is to assume God can’t do it.
4. “You meant to hurt me, but God turned your evil into good to save the lives of many people, which is being done” (v. 20). Forgiveness comes easier with a wide-angle lens. Joseph uses one to get the whole picture. He refuses to focus on the betrayal of his brothers without also seeing the loyalty of his God. It always helps to see the big picture.
5. To forgive someone is to admit our limitations. We’ve been given only one piece of life’s jigsaw puzzle. Only God has the cover of the box. To forgive someone is to display reverence. Forgiveness is not saying the one who hurt you was right. Forgiveness is stating that God is fair and He will do what is right. After all, don’t we have enough things to do without trying to do God’s work too?


CHAPTER 14: DAVID
(FACING YOUR GIANTS)
{1 Sam 17:20-24, 45-50, NIV}
1. Your Goliath doesn’t carry sword or shield; he brandishes blades of unemployment, abandonment, sexual abuse, or depression. Your giant doesn’t parade up and down the hills of Elah; he prances through your office, your bedroom, your classroom. He brings bills you can’t pay, grades you can’t make, people you can’t please, whiskey you can’t resist, pornography you can’t refuse, a career you can’t escape, a past you can’t shake, and a future you can’t face. You know well the roar of Goliath.
2. “David asked the men standing near him, ‘What will be done for the man who kills this Philistine and removes this disgrace from Israel? Who is this uncircumcised Philistine that he should defy the armies of the living God?’” (17:26 NIV). David shows up discussing God. The soldiers mentioned nothing about Him, the brothers never spoke His name, but David takes one step onto the stage and raises the subject of the living God. He does the same with king Saul: no chitchat about the battle or questions about the odds. Just a God-birthed announcement: “The Lord, who delivered me from the paw of the lion and from the paw of the bear, He will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine” (17:37 NKJV).
3. No one else discusses God. David discusses no one else but God. A subplot appears in the story. More than “David versus Goliath,” this is “God-focus versus giant-focus”. David majors in God. He sees the giant, mind you; he just sees God more so. Look carefully at David’s battle cry: “You come to me with a sword, with a spear, and with a javelin. But I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel” (17:45 NKJV).
4. Try a different tack. Rush your giant with a God-saturated soul. How long since you loaded your sling and took a swing at your giant? Too long, you say? Then David is your model. God called him “a man after My own heart” (Acts 13:22 NIV). A man after God’s own heart? That God saw him as such gives hope to us all. David’s life has little to offer the unstained saint. Straight-A souls find David’s story disappointing. The rest of us find it reassuring. We ride the same roller coaster. We alternate between swan dives and belly flops, soufflés and burnt toast. In David’s good moments, no one was better. In his bad moments, could one be worse?The heart God loved was a checkered one.
Giants. We must face them. Yet we need not face them alone. Focus first, and most, on God. The times David did, giants fell. The days he didn’t, David did.
5. I count nine references. God-thoughts outnumber Goliath-thoughts nine to two. How does this ratio compare with yours? Do you ponder God’s grace four times as much as you ponder your guilt? Is your list of blessings four times as long as your list of complaints? Is your mental file of hope four times as thick as your mental file of dread? Are you four times as likely to describe the strength of God as you are the demands of your day? No? Then David is your man.

Focus on giants—you stumble.
Focus on God—your giants tumble.
Lift your eyes, giant-slayer. The God who made a miracle out of David stands ready to make one out of you.


CHAPTER 15: ESTHER
(TOUCHING THE KING'S HEART)
{Esther 4:13-16; 7:2-3}
1. God is moved by our sincerity. The “earnest prayer of a righteous man has great power” (James 5:16 TLB). Because we are His children, God hears ours. The King of creation gives special heed to the voice of His family. He is not only willing to hear us, He loves to hear us. He even tells us what to ask Him. “Thy kingdom come”.
2. Jesus tells how to begin. “When you pray, pray like this. ‘Our Father who is in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come’”. When you say, “Thy kingdom come,” you are inviting the Messiah Himself to walk into your world. “Come, my King! Take Your throne in our land. Be present in my heart. Be present in my office. Come into my marriage. Be Lord of my family, my fears, and my doubts”. This is no feeble request; it’s a bold appeal for God to occupy every corner of your life.
“So let us come boldly to the very throne of God and stay there to receive his mercy and to find grace to help us in our times of need” (Heb. 4:16).
3. Esther, Mordecai’s adopted daughter, became queen by winning a Miss Persia contest. In one day she went from obscurity to royalty, and in more ways than one she reminds you of you. Both of you are residents of the palace: Esther, the bride of Xerxes and you, the bride of Christ. Both of you have access to the throne of the king, and you both have a counselor to guide and teach you. Your counselor is the Holy Spirit. Esther’s counselor was Mordecai.
4. Haman gets Mordecai’s rope. Mordecai gets Haman’s job. Esther gets a good night’s sleep. The Jews live to see another day. And we get a dramatic reminder of what happens when we approach our King. Like Esther, we have been plucked out of obscurity and given a place in the palace.
Like Esther, we have royal robes; she was dressed in cloth, we are dressed in righteousness.
Like Esther, we have the privilege of making our request.


CHAPTER 16: JOB
(WHEN MAN COVERS HIS MOUTH)
{Job 1:1-3, 2:6-8, 40:1-4}
1. There are times when to speak is to violate the moment . . . when silence represents the highest respect. The word for such times is reverence. The prayer for such times is “Hallowed be thy name”. Only you and God are here, and you can surmise who occupies the throne. Don’t worry about having the right words; worry more about having the right heart. It’s not eloquence He seeks, just honesty.
2. God floods the sky with queries, and Job cannot help but get the point: Only God defines God. You’ve got to know the alphabet before you can read, and God tells Job, “You don’t even know the ABC’s of heaven, much less the vocabulary”. For the first time, Job is quiet. Silenced by a torrent of questions. Does Job get the message? I think so. Listen to his response. “I am not worthy; I cannot answer you anything, so I will put my hand over my mouth” (40:4).
Notice the change. Before he heard God, Job couldn’t speak enough. After he heard God, he couldn’t speak at all. 
The word for such moments is reverence: “Hallowed be Thy name”.
3. This phrase is a petition, not a proclamation. A request, not an announcement. Hallowed be your name. Do whatever it takes to be holy in my life. Take Your rightful place on the throne. Exalt Yourself. Magnify Yourself. Glorify Yourself. You be Lord, and I’ll be quiet. The word hallowed comes from the word holy, and the word holy means “to separate”. The ancestry of the term can be traced back to an ancient word which means “to cut”. To be holy, then, is to be a cut above the norm, superior, extraordinary. The Holy One dwells on a different level from the rest of us. What frightens us does not frighten Him. What troubles us does not trouble Him.
When you set your sights on our God, you focus on one “a cut above” any storm life may bring.
Like Job, you find peace in the pain.
Like Job, you cover your mouth and sit still.
“Be still and know that I am God” (Ps. 46:10). This verse contains a command with a promise.
The command? 
Be still.
Cover your mouth.
Bend your knees.
The promise? You will know that I am God.


CHAPTER 17: NICODEMUS
(THE MOST FAMOUS CONVERSATION IN THE BIBLE)
{John 3:1-17, NKJV}
1. Nicodemus inhabits a land of good efforts, sincere gestures, and hard work. Give God your best, his philosophy says, and God does the rest. Jesus’ response? Your best won’t do. Your works don’t work. Your finest efforts don’t mean squat. Unless you are born again, you can’t even see what God is up to.
2. Jesus doesn’t crack a smile. “Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God” (v. 5 NKJV). About this time a gust of wind blows a few leaves through the still-open door. Jesus picks one off the floor and holds it up. God’s power works like that wind, Jesus explains. Newborn hearts are born of heaven. You can’t wish, earn, or create one. New birth? Inconceivable. God handles the task, start to finish.
3. He who did it first must do it again. The original creator recreates his creation. This is the act that Jesus describes.
Born: God exerts the effort.
Again: God restores the beauty.
We don’t try again. We need, not the muscle of self, but a miracle of God.
"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life".
4. A twenty-six-word parade of hope: beginning with God, ending with life, and urging us to do the same. Brief enough to write on a napkin or memorize in a moment, yet solid enough to weather two thousand years of storms and questions. If you know nothing of the Bible, start here. If you know everything in the Bible, return here. We all need the reminder. The heart of the human problem is the heart of the human. And God’s treatment is prescribed in John 3:16.


CHAPTER 18: JAIRUS
(THE SPARKLE FROM ETERNITY)
{Luke 8:41-56}
1. Peace where there should be pain. Confidence in the midst of crisis. Hope defying despair. That’s what that look says. It is a look that knows the answer to the question asked by every mortal, “Does death have the last word?” I can see Jesus wink as He gives the answer. “Not on your
life”.


CHAPTER 19: RICH YOUNG RULER
(THE AFFLUENT POOR)
{Matt 19:16-26 NIV}
1. Jesus gets to the point. “If you want to be perfect, then go sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven”. The statement leaves the young man distraught and the disciples bewildered. Their question could be ours: “Who then can be saved?” Jesus’ answer shell-shocks the listeners, “With man this is impossible“.
2. Does that strike you as cold? All your life you’ve been rewarded according to your performance. You get grades according to your study. You get commendations according to your success. You get money in response to your work. That’s why the rich young ruler thought heaven was just a payment away. It only made sense. You work hard, you pay your dues, and “zap”— your account is credited as paid in full. Jesus says, “No way”. What you want costs far more than what you can pay. You don’t need a system, you need a Savior. You don’t need a resume, you need a Redeemer. For “what is impossible with men is possible with God” (Luke 18:27 NIV).
3. Mark it down. God does not save us because of what we’ve done. Only a puny god could be bought with tithes. Only an egotistical god would be impressed with our pain. Only a temperamental god could be satisfied by sacrifices. Only a heartless god would sell salvation to the highest bidders. And only a great God does for his children what they can’t do for themselves. That is the message of Paul: “For what the law was powerless to do...God did” (Rom 8:3 NIV). And that is the message of the first beatitude from Christ’s Sermon on the Mount. “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven”.
4. The jewel of joy is given to the impoverished spirits, not the affluent. God’s delight is received upon surrender, not awarded upon conquest. The first step to joy is a plea for help, an acknowledgment of moral destitution, an admission of inward paucity. Those who taste God’s presence have declared spiritual bankruptcy and are aware of their spiritual crisis. Their cupboards are bare. Their pockets are empty. Their options are gone. They have long since stopped demanding justice; they are pleading for mercy. They don’t brag; they beg.
5. It’s a different path, a path we’re not accustomed to taking. We don’t often declare our impotence. Admission of failure is not usually admission into joy. Complete confession is not commonly followed by total pardon. But then again, God has never been governed by what is common.


CHAPTER 20: SARAH, PETER, AND PAUL
(THE KINGDOM OF THE ABSURD) 
{Genesis 18:10-12 NIV, Luke 4:5-7 NIV,  Acts 9:1-6 NIV}
1. Sarai is just as amused. When she hears the news, a cackle escapes before she can contain it. She mumbles something about her husband’s needing a lot more than what he’s got and then laughs again. They laugh because that is what you do when someone says he can do the impossible. They laugh a little at God, and a lot with God—for God is laughing, too. Then, with the smile still on his face, he gets busy doing what he does best—the unbelievable. He changes a few things—beginning with their names. Abram, the father of one, will now be Abraham, the father of a multitude. Sarai, the barren one, will now be Sarah, the mother.
2. But their names aren’t the only things God changes. He changes their minds. He changes their faith. He changes the way they define the word impossible. But most of all, he changes Sarah’s attitude about trusting God. Were she to hear Jesus’ statement about being poor in spirit, she could give a testimony: “He’s right. I do things my way, I get a headache. I let God take over, I get a son. You try to figure that out“.
3. “It was quite a scene: four fishermen in two boats, knee-deep in fish, and one carpenter seated on our bow, relishing the pandemonium. “That’s when I realized who He was. And that’s when I realized who I was: I was the one who told God what He couldn’t do! “‘Go away from me, Lord; I’m a sinful man’. There wasn’t anything else I could say. “I don’t know what He saw in me, but He didn’t leave. Maybe He thought if I would let Him tell me how to fish, I would let Him tell me how to live. “It was a scene I would see many times over the next couple of years—in cemeteries with the dead, on hillsides with the hungry, in storms with the frightened, on roadsides with the sick. The characters would change, but the theme wouldn’t. When we would say, ‘No way,’ He would say, ‘My way’. Then the ones who doubted would scramble to salvage the blessing. And the One who gave it would savor the surprise”.
“My power shows up best in weak people” (2 Cor. 12:9 TLB).
4. Paul ended up bewildered and befuddled in a borrowed bedroom. God left him there a few days with scales on his eyes so thick that the only direction he could look was inside himself. And he didn’t like what he saw. He saw himself for what he really was—to use his own words, the worst of sinners (1 Tim.1:15 NIV). A legalist. A killjoy. A bumptious braggart who claimed to have mastered God’s code. A dispenser of justice who weighed salvation on a panscale. That’s when Ananias found him. He wasn’t much to look at—haggard and groggy after three days of turmoil. Sarai wasn’t much to look at either, nor was Peter. But what the three have in common says more than a volume of systematic theology. For when they gave up, God stepped in, and the result was a roller-coaster ride straight into the kingdom.
5. The message is gripping: Show a man his failures without Jesus, and the result will be found in the roadside gutter. Give a man religion without reminding him of his filth, and the result will be arrogance in a three-piece suit. But get the two in the same heart—get sin to meet Savior and Savior to meet sin—and the result just might be another Pharisee turned preacher who sets the world on fire. Four people: the rich young ruler, Sarah, Peter, Paul. A curious thread strings the four together—their names. The final three had their names changed—Sarai to Sarah, Simon to Peter, Saul to Paul. But the first one, the young yuppie, is never mentioned by name. 
Perhaps that’s the clearest explanation of the first beatitude. The one who made a name for himself is nameless. But the ones who called on Jesus’ name—and his name only—got new names and, even more, new life. 


CHAPTER 21: LAZARUS
(THE FINAL WITNESS)
{John 11:1-3, 17-23, 33-35, 38-44}
1. John doesn’t tell us everything Jesus did. But he tells us those acts that will lead us to faith. John selects seven miracles. He begins softly with the quiet miracle of water to wine and then crescendos to the public resurrection of Lazarus. Seven miracles are offered, and seven witnesses are examined, each one building on the testimony of the previous.
2. Six testimonies have been given. Six miracles have been verified. John gestures toward the table where sit the articles of evidence: The water jugs that held the wine. The signed affidavit of the doctor who’d treated the sick son. The cot of the cripple, the basket of the boy. Peter had brought a broken oar to show the strength of the storm. And the blind man had left his cup and cane. He didn’t need to beg anymore. “And now,” John says, turning to the judge, “we have one final witness to call and one more piece of evidence to submit”. He goes to his table and returns with a white linen sheet. You lean forward, unsure of what he is holding. “This is a burial shroud,” he explains. Placing the clothing on the table he requests, “Your honor permitting, I call our final witness to the chair, Lazarus of Bethany”.
3. Jesus’ voice fills the courtroom. “I represent an orphan who is the sum of all you have seen. Like the party that had no wine, this one has no cause for celebration. Like the dignitary’s son, this child is spiritually ill. Like the cripple and the beggar, he can’t walk and is blind. He is starving, but earth has no food to fill him. He faces storms as severe as the one on Galilee, but earth has no compass to guide him. And most of all, he is dead. Just like Lazarus. Dead. Spiritually dead”. “I will do for him what I did for them. I’ll give him joy, strength, healing, sight, safety, nourishment, new life. All are his. If you will permit”.
4. The judge speaks his answer. “You are my Son, whom I love, and I am very pleased with You” (Luke 3:22). God looks at you. “I will permit it,” He says, “on one condition. That the orphan request it”.
John has presented the witnesses.
The witnesses have told their stories.
The Master has offered to do for you what He did for them. He will bring wine to your table, sight to your eyes, strength for your step and, most of all, power over your grave. He will do for you what He did for them.
The Judge has given his blessing. The rest is up to you.
Now the choice is yours.


CHAPTER 22: PETER
(THE GOSPEL OF THE SECOND CHANCE) 
{Mark 16:1-7 NIV}
“But go, tell his disciples and Peter that he is going before you to Galilee”.
1. If I might paraphrase the words, “Don’t stay here, go tell the disciples,” a pause, then a smile, “and especially tell Peter, that he is going before you to Galilee”. What a line. It’s as if all of heaven had watched Peter fall—and it’s as if all of heaven wanted to help him back up again. “Be sure and tell Peter that he’s not left out. Tell him that one failure doesn’t make a flop”. Whew! No wonder they call it the gospel of the second chance.
2. Not many second chances exist in the world today. Nowadays it’s more like, “It’s now or never”. “Around here we don’t tolerate incompetence”. “Gotta get tough to get along”. “Not much room at the top”. “Three strikes and you’re out”. Sure you can have a second chance. Just ask Peter. 
3. It’s not every day that you get a second chance. Peter must have known that. The next time he saw Jesus, he got so excited that he barely got his britches on before he jumped into the cold water of the Sea of Galilee. It was also enough, so they say, to cause this backwoods Galilean to carry the gospel of the second chance all the way to Rome where they killed him. If you’ve ever wondered what would cause a man to be willing to be crucified upside down, maybe now you know.
It’s not every day that you find someone who will give you a second chance—much less someone who will give you a second chance every day.
But in Jesus, Peter found both.

CONCLUSION
1. In fact, some of their antics and attitudes would make you think of the Saturday night crowd at the county jail. What few halos there are among this cast of characters could probably use a bit of straightening and polishing. Yet, strange as it may seem, it is this very humanness that makes them refreshing. So refreshing that should you ever need a reminder of God’s tolerance, you’d find it in these people. If you ever wonder how in the world God could use you to change the world, look at these people:
• Remember Abraham, the father of a nation who wasn’t without his weaknesses. He had a fibbing tongue that wouldn’t stop.
• Let’s not fail to mention Jonah. God’s ambassador to Nineveh. God put him in a whale’s belly to bring him back to his senses. 
• And on and on the stories go: Elijah, the prophet who pouted; Solomon, the king who knew too much; Jacob, the wheeler-dealer; Gomer, the prostitute. 
One story after another of God using man’s best and overcoming man’s worst.
2. The reassuring lesson is clear. God used (and uses!) people to change the world. People! Not saints or superhumans or geniuses, but people. Crooks, creeps, lovers, and liars—he uses them all. And what they may lack in perfection, God makes up for in love.
3. Jesus later summarized God’s stubborn love with a parable. He told about a teenager who decided that life at the farm was too slow for his tastes. So with pockets full of inheritance money, he set out to find the big time. When he had had just about as much of the pig’s life as he could take, he swallowed his pride, dug his hands deep into his empty pockets, and began the long walk home; all the while rehearsing a speech that he planned to give to his father.  Just when he got to the top of the hill, his father, who’d been waiting at the gate, saw him. And the boy’s weary body fell into his father’s opened arms.
4. The same open arms welcomed him that had welcomed Abraham, Moses, David, and Jonah. No wagging fingers. No clenched fists. No “I told you so!” slaps or “Where have you been?” interrogations. No crossed arms. No black eyes or fat lips. No. Only sweet, open arms. If you ever wonder how God can use you to make a difference in your world, just look at those He has already used and take heart. Look at the forgiveness found in those open arms and take courage.
5. And, by the way, never were those arms opened so wide as they were on the Roman cross. One arm extending back into history and the other reaching into the future. An embrace of forgiveness offered for anyone who’ll come. A hen gathering her chicks. A Father receiving His own. A Redeemer redeeming the world. “I am here,” He assures, “and with Me are the children God has given Me” (Heb. 2:13).



MAX LUCADO
CAST OF CHARACTERS



CAST OF CHARACTERS PART 1 (MAX LUCADO)

INTRODUCTION:

1. The ancestors of Jesus. Story after story marked by scandal, stumble, and intrigue. Who are these people? Us. That’s who they are. We find our stories in theirs. We find our hope where they found theirs. In the midst of them all . . . hovering over them all . . . is the hero of it all: God. Maker. Shaper. Rescuer of sinking hearts. God. Passing out high callings, second chances, and moral compasses to all comers and takers. To Moses—who murdered; Samson—who slipped; Thomas—who second-guessed God; to John the Baptist—who dressed like a caveman and had the diet of a grizzly bear.

2. We offer these pages to you on the wings of a wonderful promise: if God can find a place for these characters . . . he just might have a place for us too. A jewel of a verse from the book of Hebrews implies as much. Jesus, who makes people holy, and those who are made holy are from the same family. So he is not ashamed to call them his brothers and sisters. He says, . . . “I am here, and with Me are the children God has given Me” (Hebrews 2:11–13).

3. The passage has the feel of a family reunion photo. An assemblage of aunts, uncles, cousins, and kin, gathered for a wedding, summer picnic, or holiday. All the curious characters of the family are present. A drifter, a drunk, the uncle who never grew up, and the aunt who never shuts up. The cousin with the police record and the grandpa with the salty language. Joseph in his Egyptian garb and his father, Jacob, with the darting eyes. Uncle Laban and King David. Everyone is here—including Jesus. He sits smack dab in the middle of them, smiling like the proud papa he is. “I am here, and with Me are the children God has given Me”.

Do you see your face in the photo? I hope you do . . . you’re in it. And He’s proud of you too.

REGRET???


Keputusanku untuk keluar dari pelayanan doa, sempat bikin aku drop beberapa waktu. Yang dulunya aku sibuk dengan berbagai program, event, dan pelayanan, sekarang aku bener-bener nganggur. Hari-hari yang dulunya dipenuhi dengan prayer meeting, briefing, doa menara, en sejumlah kegiatan lain, sekarang jadi kosong.
       
Di satu titik, aku inget kalo aku pernah berdoa sama Tuhan, kalo aku udah kerja, aku pengen bisa ikut mission trip ke berbagai kota di Indonesia, bahkan ke luar negeri. Tapi hari ini, keinginan itu sirna bersama keputusanku untuk keluar. Sedih banget kalo inget betapa dulunya aku pengen ikut mission trip tapi nggak bisa karena belum punya duit. En lebih sedih lagi karena sekarang hal itu nggak akan pernah kesampean. Lebih tepatnya, aku nggak akan pernah ikut mission trip sebagai pendoa. Whoaaaaa.
      
Sempet timbul penyesalan yang besaaaar banget kalo inget-inget keputusanku itu. Tapi aku tau kalo aku nggak pengen berlama-lama di pelayanan yang uda nggak berjalan sesuai hati Tuhan. Aku inget betapa keringnya tiap kali aku masuk ke menara doa. Doa sendiri di rumah aja lebih gampang masuk ke hadirat Tuhan daripada doa bareng di menara. Belom lagi banyak hal yang udah keluar jalur en tetep dibiarin gitu aja. Aku kangen jaman kepemimpinan mami Olive, dimana pemimpin yang satu itu bener-bener cuma kejar hati Tuhan, bukan kepentingannya sendiri. Salut buat pemimpin-pemimpin yang hatinya tetap benar sekalipun udah dipakai besar sama Tuhan!
      
Aku berusaha bangkit, tapi berkali-kali gagal. Berusaha tegar, tapi masih sering nangis kalo inget-inget 8 tahun melayani di menara doa. Tuhaaan, aku bener-bener nggak pengen mengakhirinya dengan cara kayak gini, dengan alasan banyak penyimpangan di dalamnya pula. Tuhan, aku pengen mengakhirinya dengan baik, dengan bener-bener manis. Tapi sayangnya nggak bisa.
       
Berkali-kali Tuhan menguatkan aku bahwa inilah jalan yang harus kutempuh. Suatu jalan yang memang nggak mudah, tapi ada kemuliaan yang jauh lebih besar di depan. Suatu jalan yang berliku-liku en bikin aku bertanya-tanya, tapi ada jaminan berkat di depan. Tuhan nggak pernah salah di hidupku. Tapi entah kenapa, hati ini masih nggak bisa merelakan. Aku pengen menara doa kembali ke rencana awal Tuhan, bukan kayak gini. Rasanya nggak enak banget ninggalin sesuatu yang harusnya bisa diperbaiki. Tapi mungkin bukan aku yang akan memperbaiki, mungkin tangan Tuhan sendiri yang akan bertindak.
       
Bener-bener salah satu masa terkelam dalam perjalanan hidupku. Tanpa Roh Kudus, aku nggak mungkin bisa menghadapinya. Tanpa kasih Tuhan, pasti aku sudah hancur digilas kekecewaan en kepahitan. Tanpa kuasa-Nya, sudah pasti aku hengkang dari dunia rohani. Mungkin beberapa orang yang baca tentang hal ini mikir "gitu aja kok sampe drop sih, gitu aja sampe bikin nangis en stres". Tapi bagi aku yang ngalami, hal ini emang bener-bener nggak gampang untuk dijalani.
     
Sampai akhirnya Tuhan menguatkan aku pas aku nonton sebuah film: DIVERGENT. Aku dikuatkan bahwa aku nggak perlu lagi memandang lagi ke belakang ketika aku sudah ambil keputusan. Aku diteguhkan bahwa kalo aku udah memilih, aku harus berusaha untuk survive, aku harus membiasakan diriku di tempatku yang sekarang (suatu pelayanan baru yang Tuhan mau untuk aku masuki), aku harus melatih diriku untuk bisa berada di sini, di kehendak Tuhan yang lebih mulia.
      
Nggak boleh ada penyesalan lagi di hatiku, toh aku nggak bisa (dan nggak akan mau) kembali ke tempat itu. Toh keadaan nggak bisa diubah, keputusan untuk meng-off-kan aku bukan ada dalam kendaliku. Life must go on! Aku harus berjuang untuk hidupku sekarang en ke depan.
       
Aku hanya berusaha melakukan the best thing yang aku bisa, en aku mau serahkan semuanya ke dalam tangan Tuhan. Menjadi divergent (berbeda dari orang lain) nggak berarti salah. Terkadang seorang yang memiliki hati, kepekaan, kemampuan, serta pandangan yang berbeda itu baik. Bahkan mungkin bisa menyelamatkan diriku dari suatu kehancuran yang fatal.
       
Aku hanya mau bersyukur sama Tuhan buat semua kebaikan-Nya di tengah kejahatan banyak orang, untuk kesetiaan-Nya untuk selalu berada di sampingku di malam-malam penuh air mata, untuk kepercayaan yang lebih besar yang Dia letakkan di pundakku. Nggak ada yang perlu disesali jika Tuhan ada di pihakku. Nggak perlu lagi menoleh ke belakang en berkata "seandainya...".
       
Aku mau bangkit en bergerak maju. Seperti yang Life Tree katakan dalam lagunya "Hidup bukan untuk sekedar berlalu, karna ada masa depan yang menunggu. Hidup yang diberi tuk kerjakan sesuatu. Hadapi yang datang, jadilah pemenang".


Be it unto me
According to your Word
According to your promises
I can stand secure
Carve upon my heart
The truth that sets me free
According to your Word O Lord
Be it unto me

You promised your blood will deliver
Lord, we believe it's true
You promised us joy like a river
Lord we receive it from you
These things you have spoken
And you're bringing to pass
This world's disappearing
But your word will last

Be it unto me
According to your Word
According to your promises
I can stand secure
Carve upon my heart
The truth that sets me free
According to your Word O Lord
Be it unto me

You promised to carry our sorrows
Lord, we believe it's true
You promised unending tomorrows
Lord we receive them from you
You be our provider
In Your word it's revealed
And by the stripes that you bore
Lord we have been healed
(Be it unto me)

THE PERFECT MUSIC OF HEAVEN


Jika hidup ini diibaratkan sebuah alunan musik yang indah dalam sebuah konser musik, tentunya hidupku nggak termasuk dalamnya. Kenapa aku bilang gitu? Karena aku tau bahwa hidupku seringkali dipenuhi dengan suara fals keputusan yang salah, nada-nada kehidupan yang miss untuk kucapai, pitch control yang selalu gagal kuraih saat bernyanyi dalam kehidupan.
       
Banyak kali aku gagal dalam ujian musik kehidupan, nggak lolos dalam ujian memainkan musik karena aku nggak bisa membaca not balok kesempatan, nggak ngerti gimana caranya mencuri nafas saat gelombang masalah menerpa, bahkan bingung gimana caranya nyanyi dengan benar pake nada tiga perempat saat badai kehidupan datang.
       
Untungnya, hidup ini bukanlah sebuah konser musik yang sempurna. Untungnya Sang Komposer kehidupan nggak menuntutku untuk menguasai setiap harmoni dengan piawai. Untungnya Sang Komposer bersedia untuk turun tangan memainkan nada-nada yang indah di setiap kesalahanku, di dalam setiap dukaku, bahkan di masa sulitku.
        
Bahkan aku bersyukur karena Tuhan, Sang Maestro Musik Kehidupan itu, berkenan memberikanku pelajaran tambahan setiap saat aku lupa berlatih memainkan biola doa. Dialah yang mengajarkanku bagaimana menggesek biola doa dalam kehancuran hati, dengan lutut yang bertelut, dan dengan hati yang tulus.
       
Bahkan Tuhanlah yang mengajarkanku bagaimana memainkan setiap senar dalam gitar pengampunan, bahwa setiap getaran dalam emosi dan hati dapat menghasilkan suatu suara yang indah. Dialah yang memperlihatkan kepadaku bagaimana indahnya lengkingan sebuah saxophone kesabaran jika dipadukan dengan hati yang berserah.
       
Sempurna di mata dunia ini sama sekali berbeda dengan sempurna di mata Tuhan. Keberhasilan di hadapan-Nya benar- benar di luar akal sehat manusia. Kesuksesan dalam hidup ini bukanlah ditentukan oleh berapa nada sempurna yang dapat kuraih, tapi berapa banyak aku belajar dari setiap kesalahanku. Kenaikan level dalam tangga kehidupan ini bukanlah ditentukan dari berapa banyak manusia yang kubuat terpesona dengan pertunjukkan kehidupanku, tapi dari seberapa besar usahaku untuk menyenangkan hati-Nya. Nyanyian terindah di telinga-Nya bukanlah nyanyian yang dinyanyikan dengan simfoni yang sempurna, tapi dengan hati yang hancur di hadapan-Nya. Nada yang dapat menyentuh hati-Nya bukanlah yang dilagukan secara seriosa, namun dalam iman kepada Putra Tunggal-Nya, Yesus Kristus. Bukankah Alkitab berkata "Korban sembelihan kepada Allah ialah jiwa yang hancur; hati yang patah dan remuk tidak akan Kaupandang hina, ya Allah" (Mazmur 51:17).
       
Aku bosan melihat konser kehidupan yang dipenuhi dengan trik kesempurnaan, muak melihat alunan simfoni kehidupan yang dimainkan dengan penuh kesombongan, serta malas mendengar suara-suara ratapan dari orang-orang yang merasa paling malang di dunia. Jika hidup ini musik, mainkanlah dengan sepenuh hatimu. Jika musik memainkan nada yang menyayat hati, hayatilah dengan sepenuh jiwamu, sekalipun kamu menghadapinya dengan penuh air mata. Jika musik mengalunkan nada gembira, bersukacitalah dan menarilah.

"Masa hidup kami tujuh puluh tahun dan jika kami kuat, delapan puluh tahun, dan kebanggaannya adalah kesukaran dan penderitaan; sebab berlalunya buru-buru dan kami melayang lenyap" (Mazmur 90:10).
"Tak ada yang lebih baik bagi manusia dari pada makan dan minum dan bersenang-senang dalam jerih payahnya. Aku menyadari bahwa ini pun dari tangan Allah. Karena siapa dapat maakan dan merasakan kenikmatan di luar Dia?" (Pengkotbah 2:24-25).
"Kemalangan orang benar banyak, tetapi TUHAN melepaskan dia dari semuanya itu; Ia melindungi segala tulangnya, tidak satupun yang patah" (Mazmur 34:21).
"When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one AS WELL as the other. Therefore, a man cannot discover anything about his future" (Ecclesiastes 7:14).
"Sorrow is BETTER than laughter, because a sad face IS GOOD for the HEART" (Ecclesiastes 7:2).

Rindu slalu bersama-Mu
Tinggal di dalam kediaman-Mu
Oh Tuhan, sbab kusukai hadirat-Mu
Tak ingin kuterpisahkan
Dekat dengan-Mu itu yang kurindukan
Sbab kudapati kedamaian
Reff:
Kunikmati keindahan dan keagungan-Mu, oh Tuhan
Kunikmati kemuliaan-Mu
Menyembah-Mu dengan segenap hatiku

March 31, 2014

BITTER OR BETTER


      "Kalo kamu nggak cocok sama saya, berarti kamu nggak tunduk sama saya. Berarti percuma selama ini kamu melayani disini. Kamu boleh keluar dari sini."
       "Aku ngerti maksudmu Luc, tapi aku butuh pemimpin yang cowok di menara ini. Aku nggak bisa mimpin menara ini sendirian"
       "Kamu di-off-in gara-gara kamu sering bolos menara atau karena konflik sama pemimpin yang cowok, Luc?"
       "Sudahlah, terima aja. Toh kamu nggak bisa ngapa-ngapain kalo udah di-off gini. Kalo nggak ada kesepakatan, out aja. Toh doa butuh kesepakatan".
       "Maukah kamu memberi mereka kesempatan sekali lagi untuk menjadi pemimpin yang baik? Maukah kamu lakukan hal itu bukan karena takut sama mereka, tapi karena kamu mengasihi Tuhan?"

Sewaktu keputusan untuk off dikeluarkan, jujur aja, aku sempet saket hati. Bahkan sempet jadi pahit hati sama pemimpin yang cowok. Apa-apaan sih, ak negur untuk kebaikan kok malah jadi kayak begini? Dia ngomong kayak apa sih ke pemimpin di atasnya? Dia ngomong dengan cara apa sampe-sampe keluar keputusan untuk meng-off-kan aku, tanpa ada usaha untuk mendamaikan dari departemen doa?

Aku sempet dongkol, bahkan mungkin ada perasaan nyesel karena ngomongin kebenaran. Aku mikir, mungkin lebih baik diem aja sekalipun diperlakukan nggak adil. Mungkin, sekalipun aku tau mana yang bener en mana yang salah, lebih baik pura-pura nggak tau. Mungkin, lebih baik biarin aja walopun aku tau betapa nggak benernya kepemimpinan seorang pemimpin. Mungkin, lebih baik aku diam aja ngeliat orang-orang yang nggak setia en nggak berkomitmen dikasi kesempatan melayani en memimpin, sementara orang-orang yang setia selalu diremehkan en nggak pernah digubris. Mungkin, lebih baik aku tutup mata ngeliat fulltimer doa selalu sharing "aku, aku, dan aku" tanpa pernah memuliakan nama Yesus dalam hidupnya.
       
Mungkin...mungkin...dan mungkin. Tapi. semua sudah telanjur, semua sudah terjadi. Sampai di satu titik, aku muak. Muak dengan ketidakadilan yang harus kuterima. Muak dengan pandangan menghakimi dari para fulltimer yang hanya mendengar dari satu pihak. Muak dengan sikap sinis dari pemimpin yang cowok, yang merasa menang. Muak dengan keputusan sepihak untuk meng-off-kan diriku padahal ketua departemen doa nggak pernah tau kasus sebenarnya dari sisiku. Aku sudah kenyang dengan sikap pilih kasih para pemimpin, kenyang dengan pandangan meremehkan dari para fulltimer doa, kenyang dengan asumsi-asumsi ngawur dari rekan-rekan satu tim.
    
Bagiku, kebenaran adalah kebenaran. Perlu ada orang yang menegakkan kebenaran ketika segala sesuatu telah jauh menyimpang dari kehendak Tuhan. Butuh seseorang untuk menyadarkan agar orang-orang kembali ke hati Tuhan, bukan sibuk dengan agenda pribadi mereka agar nama mereka semakin berkibar. Sekalipun konsekuensi yang harus aku terima begitu menyakitkan. Bagiku, kebenaran tetaplah kebenaran yang perlu kutegakkan. Sekalipun akhirnya aku di-off-kan.
        
Sampai di satu titik, aku menyadari bahwa diriku kepahitan. Bahkan aku berusaha menyangkali bahwa aku marah, kecewa, dan kepahitan. Aku selalu bilang ke setiap orang "I'm fine, I can handle it myself". Tapi di dalam hatiku, aku tau bahwa hatiku perlahan-lahan menjadi tawar. Begitu tawar hingga aku memutuskan untuk keluar dari departemen doa. Begitu tawar hingga aku nggak pengen masuk dalam dunia pelayanan. Begitu tawar hingga aku mengasingkan diri dari tim menara doa. Begitu tawar hingga air mata membanjiri bantalku beberapa malam. Begitu tawar hingga aku nggak kuat lagi untuk menangis.
       
Aku nggak butuh belas kasihan. Nggak butuh dinasehati dengan jutaan kalimat sok tau dari orang-orang yang merasa lebih senior. Nggak perlu dipeluk erat seperti anak kecil. Aku hanya butuh waktu untuk memulihkan hatiku. Aku hanya butuh waktu untuk berduka. Aku hanya butuh waktu dengan Tuhan. Itu saja.
            "Ada waktu untuk menangis, ada waktu untuk tertawa; ada waktu untuk meratap; ada waktu untuk menari" (Pengkotbah 3:4).
       
Sampai di satu titik, aku nggak kuat lagi. Aku berdoa en nanya ke Tuhan, "kenapa Ia mengijinkan aku diperlakukan sedemikian nggak adil? Kenapa Dia diam saja saat pemimpinku menjelek-jelekkan aku di depan ketua departemen? Kenapa Dia seolah tak membela saat para fulltimer memandangku dengan tatapan menghakimi?" Aku sadar itu pertanyaan kekanak-kanakan. Aku tau kalo nggak seharusnya aku nanya kayak gitu. Aku paham bahwa Dia sedang merancangkan sesuatu yang lebih besar untukku ke depan. Tapi aku butuh jawaban, rencana apa yang Dia sedang goreskan saat ini. Aku nggak hanya butuh tau bahwa Dia punya rencana, tapi aku butuh tau APA rencana-Nya.
       
Dan jawaban-Nya selalu mengejutkanku. Dia menjelaskan, bahwa ada 4 level dalam pengenalan akan Dia.  Level pertama, adalah level anak. Dimana kita akan mengenal Tuhan sebagai Bapa yang baik, Bapa yang menjawab doa, Bapa yang mengerti dan memenuhi setiap kebutuhan kita. Dimana kita belajar betapa luar biasanya kasih-Nya kepada kita, dimana kita nggak perlu khawatir dengan seluruh hidup kita. Level kedua, adalah level hamba. Dimana kita perlu belajar menundukkan diri di bawah otoritas-Nya, sekalipun kita nggak paham, sekalipun kita merasa sakit. Dimana kita perlu menaati setiap kehendak-Nya karena Dia adalah tuan atas hidup kita. Di level ketiga, adalah level sahabat. Yohanes 15:15 mengatakan: "Aku tidak menyebut kamu lagi hamba, sebab hamba tidak tahu apa yang diperbuat tuannya, tetapi Aku menyebut kamu sahabat, karena Aku telah memberitahukan kepada kamu segala sesuatu yang telah Kudengar dari Bapaku". Dimana kita belajar untuk mengerti dengan apa yang Tuhan lakukan di hidup kita, dimana kita belajar bahwa sebagai sahabat, Tuhan akan berbagi rencana-Nya dalam hidup kita. Dimana kita belajar, bahwa kita tidak hanya menjalani kehidupan kita tanpa mengetahui apa maksud-Nya, namun Dia berbagi isi hati-Nya kepada kita. Dan di level keempat, yaitu level mempelai. Dimana hati-Nya dan hati kita menjadi satu, dimana kehendak-Nya dan kehendak kita selaras, dimana pikiran-Nya menjadi pikiran kita.
      
Tuhan berkata bahwa ini adalah kenaikan level dalam pengenalanku akan pribadi-Nya. Sekalipun cara-Nya di luar akal manusia. Inilah cara-Nya untuk menunjukkan bahwa Dia mau aku mengenal hati-Nya, pikiran-Nya, kehendak-Nya. Bukan dengan cara manusia, bukan dengan pertimbangan manusia, bukan dengan promosi yang datang dari manusia. Penurunan yang dari Tuhan akan membawaku naik ke tempat yang jauh lebih tinggi, lebih daripada yang bisa manusia rancangkan atasku.
      
Aku paham. Aku nggak bisa mengontrol segala sesuatu yang terjadi di sekitarku, aku nggak bisa menduga respon sesamaku, aku nggak bisa memprediksi apa yang akan terjadi di depan. Tapi asalkan aku hidup benar di hadapan-Nya, Dia yang akan membawaku ke level yang lebih dalam untuk mengenal Dia. Sekalipun hal ini menyakitkan secara daging, aku tau bahwa ada kemuliaan besar yang menanti di depanku.
       
Jika peremukkan hati adalah satu-satunya jalan agar aku bisa masuk ke level yang lebih dalam untuk mengenal Kristus, aku mau hatiku diremukkan hingga tak berbentuk lagi. Jika kehancuran hati adalah satu-satunya cara agar aku mengerti tujuan-tujuan-Nya yang mulia dalam hidupku, aku bersedia hatiku dihancurkan hingga tiap kepingnya tak dapat disatukan lagi. Jika memang semua rasa sakit, penghakiman, dan penderitaan adalah jalan yang harus kutempuh untuk mencapai rencana-Nya yang lebih mulia, aku nggak akan protes maupun mengasihani diriku.
       GOD'S PURPOSE IS ALWAYS GREATER THAN THE PAIN WE GO THROUGH, BUT WE DON'T USUALLY UNDERSTAND IT DURING PAIN. CLARITY COMES LATER...


I thought I did what's right
I thought I had the answers
I thought I chose the surest road
But that road brought me here

So I put up a fight
And told You how to help me
Now just when I have given up
The truth is coming clear

Reff:
You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
For you know better than I

If this has been a test
I cannot see the reason
But maybe knowing I don't know
Is part of getting through

I've tried to do what's best
And faith has made it easy
To see the best thing I can do
Is put my trust in You

Reff:
For You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
For You know better than I

I saw one cloud and thought it was a sky
I saw a bird and thought that I could follow
But it was You who taught that bird to fly
If I let You reach me will You teach me

Reff:
For You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
I'll take what answers You supply
You know better than I



NB: Di akhir Februari, memang aku memutuskan untuk keluar dari pelayanan. Kenapa harus keluar? Karena aku udah nggak pengen berada di tempat yang bikin aku nggak nyaman dengan segala hal yang menyimpang, en kesibukanku dalam bekerja nggak memungkinkan untuk aku melayani di hari Jumat.  Tapi hal itu nggak berarti aku keluar dari rencana Tuhan. Aku tau bahwa Tuhan sedang mengarahkanku ke hal-hal yang jauh lebih besar. Untuk belajar terbang, dibutuhkan tempat yang tinggi dan keberanian untuk melangkah keluar dari zona nyaman. Yang jelas, aku memastikan bahwa hatiku berpaut pada Tuhan, bahwa aku akan terus berjalan selaras dengan kehendak-Nya.
Eniwe, nggak perlu takut masuk ke dalam sebuah pelayanan jika Tuhan memang yang memanggil. Kisah kelamku ini hanya satu di antara kisah manis yang pernah kulewati selama aku melayani Tuhan. Nggak semua pemimpin di menara doa seperti yang aku temui ini. Pemimpin yang baik en bener-bener berfokus sama Tuhan tuh masih ada, tapi emang bener-bener langka en patut diacungi jempol.